Oh man, what a great topic. I really appreciate the opportunity to add a third installment. As a generally out of shape guy who just likes to punch in time at the gym in order to combat the occurrence of triple bypass surgery at the age of 25, I can definitely relate to the disgust that you guys are experiencing with our fellow gym attendees. Where shall I begin? My colleagues have covered some of the most obnoxious members of this ever-growing society. The cell phone user, the “I-don’t give-a-fuck-about-putting-my-weights-back-on-the-rack” character, and the idiot who grunts like he’s on the can taking a 10 pound dump are all terrible people. I do, however, have a couple to add to the list which you may have seen at your fitness club of choice.
First, in what appears to be a recent phenomenon, we have the wannabe UFC champion. This is an awful guy to be. I like the UFC and all that MMA stuff, don’t get me wrong. What I do NOT like is guys who walk around the gym performing roundhouse kicks and tossing left hooks in front of the pec deck. My guess is that the majority of these idiots have never even taken a punch, but I'm sure they'll tell you they are training really hard in the cage, working on perfecting their rear naked choke. It actually bothers me to even describe this guy, let alone witness such behaviour. Honestly, whenever I see the UFC Wannabe shadow boxing in front of the mirror I’m praying that Georges St. Pierre comes flying from behind the reception desk and spears this mess of a human being. Moving on…
This next one really baffles me. At the gym I go to, all members have access to a variety of aerobics rooms, a 200m track, and a huge basketball court. So when I see some clown skipping or getting his form running on in the weight room and not in one of those aforementioned areas, I can’t help but wonder if these people are working with an extra chromosome. I actually don’t even have a label for this guy. I’m just gonna call him the skipping/form running/doing things that I could and should be doing somewhere else because I’m making life miserable for normal people guy. Am I really supposed to walk around this asshole that’s skipping in the weight room? Is this guy really doing high knees in the aisle between the treadmills and the elliptical machines? What a joke.
To be continued…
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Gym Nonsense, Part II
Thank you for that fascinating piece Goody. It made me think about the gym on two levels.
First, that I haven't been since September of 2008. And second, that I too have noticed gymgoers using their cellphones whilst working out. Now, it's been so long since I've been to the gym that I don't think the Blackberry existed, but that's neither here nor there.
Goody's post has inspired me to vent about my own frustrations while working out at the local gymnasium, and about how I too, have been witness to maddening antics by fellow gymgoers.
Why can't people be like me and just go about their business in a polite, respectful and unassuming manner?
There are few different 'guys' at the gym.
You have It's-not-my-gym, it's-not-where-I-live, so-I'm-just-going-to-leave-all-the-weights I've-just-used-all-over-the-floor-so-that-the-next-person-that-comes-over-here-has-to stumble-and-trip-all-over-them. And-then-has-to-put-them-away-for-me Guy.
Well I've got two words for you pal: Fuck You.
Next, we have Hey-look-at-me, I'm-working-out-with-weights! Guy.
This guy brings attention to something we already know by screaming, grunting and ugghhhhing his way through every rep and set of his workout.
Hey buddy, this isn't your own private gym, keep the goddam noise down. If you closed your eyes and turned your head in the other direction, you'd think he was getting rammed up the ass. I don't need to hear it.
This concludes my lambasting of fools in the gym.
There's a lot more ground to cover, so I think I'll let Teebs knock out the last post on this issue.
See what you've done Goody? Pat yourself on the back, a la Barry Horowitz.
Everyone here is better for it, especially if any of our six readers are these meatheads we're talking about.
Out.
First, that I haven't been since September of 2008. And second, that I too have noticed gymgoers using their cellphones whilst working out. Now, it's been so long since I've been to the gym that I don't think the Blackberry existed, but that's neither here nor there.
Goody's post has inspired me to vent about my own frustrations while working out at the local gymnasium, and about how I too, have been witness to maddening antics by fellow gymgoers.
Why can't people be like me and just go about their business in a polite, respectful and unassuming manner?
There are few different 'guys' at the gym.
You have It's-not-my-gym, it's-not-where-I-live, so-I'm-just-going-to-leave-all-the-weights I've-just-used-all-over-the-floor-so-that-the-next-person-that-comes-over-here-has-to stumble-and-trip-all-over-them. And-then-has-to-put-them-away-for-me Guy.
Well I've got two words for you pal: Fuck You.
Next, we have Hey-look-at-me, I'm-working-out-with-weights! Guy.
This guy brings attention to something we already know by screaming, grunting and ugghhhhing his way through every rep and set of his workout.
Hey buddy, this isn't your own private gym, keep the goddam noise down. If you closed your eyes and turned your head in the other direction, you'd think he was getting rammed up the ass. I don't need to hear it.
This concludes my lambasting of fools in the gym.
There's a lot more ground to cover, so I think I'll let Teebs knock out the last post on this issue.
See what you've done Goody? Pat yourself on the back, a la Barry Horowitz.
Everyone here is better for it, especially if any of our six readers are these meatheads we're talking about.
Out.
Please hang up and try your call again.
“Sorry bro, I gotta go...I’ve got one more set on the bench, gonna pump out 285.” Have you ever heard this at the gym? What about something along the lines of “Did you see Paris Hilton’s My New BFF last night? I cannot believe Brittany won!*” If so, you may have fallen victim to the often inconspicuous cell phone gym talker, also known as Plugus Maximus by Darwin enthusiasts. This breed of gym goer may appear friendly upon first site, but be warned, they are more annoying than Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in a late 80’s/early 90’s rom-com (timely reference, I know.)
I just don’t see the need to bring a cell phone into the gym with you? Case in point; how many pairs of gym shorts do you own that have pockets? I know that some people may say they carry it at all times in case they receive an important call or an emergency comes up, but this does not seem like a viable excuse for lugging around a blackberry with “circus” as your ringtone around the weight room. If you are waiting for that important of a call, don’t go to the gym, if there is an emergency you can easily be reached through a landline...you know, those phones that are attached to the wall (weird, huh?)
I have witnessed the Plugus Maximus on a few different occasions over the last month or so. One guy was actually on the bench press and stopped between sets to talk to someone on his cell. If the guy weren’t 6’5 and 250lbs I would’ve gave him a piece of my mind. Just the other day a girl answered a call whilst running on the treadmill, this of course meant she had to slow down and walk for about 5 minutes while she discussed her plans for that night (drinking Bacardi Limon and going to Shagwells).
Many of us have witnessed such events around the gym, it seems as though it has become commonplace at my gym. I wouldn’t quite call it an epidemic yet, but folks, please try to designate an hour or two out of your day to be “cell-phone free time” before it’s too late. You never know, someone may actually call you through that weird thing in your house with the cord that makes a ringing noise instead of a realtrax ringtone.
* Paris Hilton’s My New BFF is an awesome show, Brittany Flickinger was the winner in season one.
I just don’t see the need to bring a cell phone into the gym with you? Case in point; how many pairs of gym shorts do you own that have pockets? I know that some people may say they carry it at all times in case they receive an important call or an emergency comes up, but this does not seem like a viable excuse for lugging around a blackberry with “circus” as your ringtone around the weight room. If you are waiting for that important of a call, don’t go to the gym, if there is an emergency you can easily be reached through a landline...you know, those phones that are attached to the wall (weird, huh?)
I have witnessed the Plugus Maximus on a few different occasions over the last month or so. One guy was actually on the bench press and stopped between sets to talk to someone on his cell. If the guy weren’t 6’5 and 250lbs I would’ve gave him a piece of my mind. Just the other day a girl answered a call whilst running on the treadmill, this of course meant she had to slow down and walk for about 5 minutes while she discussed her plans for that night (drinking Bacardi Limon and going to Shagwells).
Many of us have witnessed such events around the gym, it seems as though it has become commonplace at my gym. I wouldn’t quite call it an epidemic yet, but folks, please try to designate an hour or two out of your day to be “cell-phone free time” before it’s too late. You never know, someone may actually call you through that weird thing in your house with the cord that makes a ringing noise instead of a realtrax ringtone.
* Paris Hilton’s My New BFF is an awesome show, Brittany Flickinger was the winner in season one.
No One's Tanking. Get Over It
Anyway, I've been racking my brain thinking of a topic to write about, and I finally settled on one.
And that topic is, the notion that teams not contending for a title or playoff spot should tank it down the stretch.
Certain Maple Leafs fans come to mind when I think about this.
I'm a huge buds fan, but there's no way I could ever hope that my team loses. That's absurd to me.
Totally Abbbbzzzzzzuuuurrrrddddd.
Some people will say, "Oh, I hope they don't win so they can get a better draft position and draft Tavares."
Well, I have news for those people. Not 0ne player on the Leafs, or any other rebuilding team, is thinking that. They're thinking about themselves and their teammates.
They're thinking about jobs for next year. On a team that's rebuilding, no one is safe.
Look around the NHL. Not one team near the bottom of the standings is playing terrible hockey. They're still getting after it.
I still don't understand how you could cheer against your team. I hope my team wins every game. If they lose, so be it. They're not very good anyway.
Another point lost in this is that winning breeds confidence. And that's extremely important
for a young team like the Leafs. It's something they can take into next season, something to build on.
Going back to the draft...It's a lottery. No one is guaranteed the #1 pick. There's always busts. There's always gems found in the later rounds. Who's the say the best player to come out of the draft won't be someone picked 94th overall?
I was all over the place on this, but my main point is that teams aren't going to tank. The Leafs are the perfect example here. Ron Wilson's done an amazing job. Brian Burke is loving every shootout win up in his box, knocking over his spitters and sending papers flying all over the place.
You think these guys don't want to win every game?
Fans need to figure it out.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Check Out This Squid
Ever sit at home on your computing device looking up stuff on Google that you wouldn’t want to tell too many people about? Yeah, I look up porn all the time too, but this isn’t about erotic images, that’s for another day.
Well, I’m feeling pretty open about sharing my little secret tonight, so here it is. I really, REALLY enjoy looking up bizarre creatures on Google. This Giant Squid is just one example…
Damn, that's sweet.
What’s so great about a Giant Squid you ask? Shit, I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never actually seen a squid, or the fact that if I was out chilling on boat in the Atlantic that I’d rather see a Great White Shark than look starboard and see a Giant Squid rollin’ up on my ass.
So, there you have it, I love Googling squid. Please feel free to share your secret Google fetishes. I’m always looking for new material.
Well, I’m feeling pretty open about sharing my little secret tonight, so here it is. I really, REALLY enjoy looking up bizarre creatures on Google. This Giant Squid is just one example…
Damn, that's sweet.
What’s so great about a Giant Squid you ask? Shit, I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never actually seen a squid, or the fact that if I was out chilling on boat in the Atlantic that I’d rather see a Great White Shark than look starboard and see a Giant Squid rollin’ up on my ass.
So, there you have it, I love Googling squid. Please feel free to share your secret Google fetishes. I’m always looking for new material.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Pro vs. College
This next thought is directed at the people who say that the best college team(s) could hang with the best pro team(s).
I'm not sure if you've thought this through...
I was just getting my March Madness on, watching Duke pull out a close win over Texas, when Teebs and I were brought up the college vs. pro topic.
We both don't understand how anyone could think that a college team would EVER beat a team of professionals, even if it was a team like the Detroit Lions.
I'd now like to make a few points on why this would never happen.
I'm not sure if you've thought this through...
I was just getting my March Madness on, watching Duke pull out a close win over Texas, when Teebs and I were brought up the college vs. pro topic.
We both don't understand how anyone could think that a college team would EVER beat a team of professionals, even if it was a team like the Detroit Lions.
I'd now like to make a few points on why this would never happen.
1. Whether we're talking football or hoops, let's remember that only a handful of college athletes ever play pro ball. So when you're talking about team of professionals taking on a team where some of the players will be working at Foot Locker in the near future, it's no contest. I don't care how bad the pro team is.
2. Next, I'll highlight the fact that college vs. pro is, esentially, boy vs. man. Some of the young college players have developed, but every one of the pro players have.
The pro players would literally man-handle the college boys.
3. The last point I'll make is just so this rant looks better. Three points is better than two. It just looks more official that way. This does make sense though. Imagine you're a player for the Lions, or playing in the NBA for the Clippers...There's no wayyyy you're letting that college team win.
And that's just the thing; the pro guys would have to LET the college guys win.
The thoughts and ideas included in this post are in no way a slight against college athletes. They are a slight against the individuals (imbeciles?) who think that even the best college team could actually beat even the worst of professional team.
It just wouldn't happen.
Friday, March 20, 2009
What's the Story, Morning Glory?
Sha-boyyyy
Good evening plugs and plugettes (Who am I kidding, no girls are ever gonna read this. Do I even talk to girls? Fuck me.) I don’t know what’s in the water these days, but I’m finding that a lot of people I meet are, how do you say, fuckin’ storytellers. Now I’m not talking about Robert Munsch or Dean Koontz here, these are people who just drop pure fiction about their lives in order to feel better about themselves and then inexplicably expect people to believe these fables. I mean, everyone’s gotta pump their tires up once in a while, but people can’t be telling outrageous stories about themselves in public. Especially ones that can be completely refuted by the people whom they wish to enlighten.
It happens everywhere I go. At school, work, the gym (all 3 times), the bar, the spa, the rub & tug, the rippers, the adult video store, everywhere. Most of my experiences with storytelling have actually taken place in the sports environment. Perhaps it’s an issue of trying to impress the boys or it could be a matter of an individual believing that they are much more of a stud than they really are. I don’t know the psychology of human beings well enough to speculate too much on that. What I do know, however, is that these people must think I’m a fucking huge dolt if they think I’m really gonna buy in to their lies.
I’d love to provide some examples but I don’t know who’s gonna read this and I don’t want to break any storytellers’ hearts out there by calling them out on one of their own bullshit stories. Just know that I’m always looking for a silly little story and if it’s ridiculous enough I will for sure call bullshit on them. Oh yeah… if what you have just read means nothing to you and you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, you’re the storyteller and you need to figure it out.
Later.
Good evening plugs and plugettes (Who am I kidding, no girls are ever gonna read this. Do I even talk to girls? Fuck me.) I don’t know what’s in the water these days, but I’m finding that a lot of people I meet are, how do you say, fuckin’ storytellers. Now I’m not talking about Robert Munsch or Dean Koontz here, these are people who just drop pure fiction about their lives in order to feel better about themselves and then inexplicably expect people to believe these fables. I mean, everyone’s gotta pump their tires up once in a while, but people can’t be telling outrageous stories about themselves in public. Especially ones that can be completely refuted by the people whom they wish to enlighten.
It happens everywhere I go. At school, work, the gym (all 3 times), the bar, the spa, the rub & tug, the rippers, the adult video store, everywhere. Most of my experiences with storytelling have actually taken place in the sports environment. Perhaps it’s an issue of trying to impress the boys or it could be a matter of an individual believing that they are much more of a stud than they really are. I don’t know the psychology of human beings well enough to speculate too much on that. What I do know, however, is that these people must think I’m a fucking huge dolt if they think I’m really gonna buy in to their lies.
I’d love to provide some examples but I don’t know who’s gonna read this and I don’t want to break any storytellers’ hearts out there by calling them out on one of their own bullshit stories. Just know that I’m always looking for a silly little story and if it’s ridiculous enough I will for sure call bullshit on them. Oh yeah… if what you have just read means nothing to you and you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, you’re the storyteller and you need to figure it out.
Later.
WBC - Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
Thanks for that beauty post Goody. I feel so much better knowing how much more I accomplished today than you...
Then again, you did lounge around all day and eat nachos. I'd love to do that everyday, I really would. Except I would replace the nachos with chicken fingers.
I don't care what anyone says, I could eat those everyday and not get tired of them. The key would be to switch up on the sauces.
Oh ya...I was going to talk about the World Baseball Classic...
When I first heard about this a few years back, I thought, "Hey this is a good idea. More baseball." I like baseball. Actually I love baseball.
But then I watched some of it, and I honestly don't remember who won the first WBC tournament.
I've watched some this year, but the truth is, nothing much else is going on. The NBA turns me off these days, football is over, and you can only watch so much hockey (which is pretty much what I do for a living right now).
When someone mentions the WBC, two words pop into my dome: Who Cares?
It's just meaningless baseball when you think about it. If it meant anything, they wouldn't have it in the middle of spring training.
Hey, baseball is baseball. I'll watch. But don't expect me to really care who wins. This isn't to be confused witht the Olympics.
It's a way to make more money I suppose, and also a way for every big name to injure themselves getting after it like it's game 7 of the World Series instead of them being in spring training dipping and popping seeds on the bench while a guy who'll be bagging groceries in a couple weeks serves up gopher balls to guys with names like Chip Cannon and Hiram Bocachica.
Anyways, the WBC is basically a joke. How else do you explain the attendance numbers?
I hope this doesn't last, and if players keep getting hurt, eventually their clubs won't allow these guys to play.
And then what?
Then you're stuck watching guys you've never really heard of.
And isn't that what spring training is for?
Then again, you did lounge around all day and eat nachos. I'd love to do that everyday, I really would. Except I would replace the nachos with chicken fingers.
I don't care what anyone says, I could eat those everyday and not get tired of them. The key would be to switch up on the sauces.
Oh ya...I was going to talk about the World Baseball Classic...
When I first heard about this a few years back, I thought, "Hey this is a good idea. More baseball." I like baseball. Actually I love baseball.
But then I watched some of it, and I honestly don't remember who won the first WBC tournament.
I've watched some this year, but the truth is, nothing much else is going on. The NBA turns me off these days, football is over, and you can only watch so much hockey (which is pretty much what I do for a living right now).
When someone mentions the WBC, two words pop into my dome: Who Cares?
It's just meaningless baseball when you think about it. If it meant anything, they wouldn't have it in the middle of spring training.
Hey, baseball is baseball. I'll watch. But don't expect me to really care who wins. This isn't to be confused witht the Olympics.
It's a way to make more money I suppose, and also a way for every big name to injure themselves getting after it like it's game 7 of the World Series instead of them being in spring training dipping and popping seeds on the bench while a guy who'll be bagging groceries in a couple weeks serves up gopher balls to guys with names like Chip Cannon and Hiram Bocachica.
Anyways, the WBC is basically a joke. How else do you explain the attendance numbers?
I hope this doesn't last, and if players keep getting hurt, eventually their clubs won't allow these guys to play.
And then what?
Then you're stuck watching guys you've never really heard of.
And isn't that what spring training is for?
A Productive Day
11:49 am– wake up from some beauty sleep, feeling refreshed and ready to start the day….probably go to the gym around 3 this afternoon.
1:00 pm – Nice! Marquette is playing Utah State. I’ve got the Aggies for the upset. I gotta watch this.
1:03 pm – I’m kinda hungry, some food would go great with college hoops. Shit, no bread, milk, or butter….nachos it is. No clean normal size plates? An oversized dish usually used to serve a party of 6+ will have to do.
2:00 pm – Well, there always next year for the Aggies, I should really get ready for the gym soon….
3:00 pm – Where am I? Damn, must’ve fallen asleep. Do I see a few stragglers on the nacho dish? Delish.
3:30 pm – Tbo phones, suggests Johnny Burger. I guess the gym can wait until 6, after all, it does close at 9.
3:58 pm – Hamburger and fries…actually I’ll make it a poutine. Is it just me or is poutine more enjoyable when it’s served in a takeout box meant for an entire burger and fry combo?
4:07 pm – fat.
5:00 pm – My friend jimmy calls, he’s heading to the gym…Simpsons is about to start and I think it’s the krusty comeback special episode…fuck the gym, I was only gonna do legs anyways.
6:35 pm – The next set of march madness games are less than an hour away and Tim Micallef is dropping some zingers on The Score. Dionte Christmas not being related to Lloyd Christmas!?…can’t miss T.V.
7:57 pm – gym closes in about an hour. The game isn’t over but I should really go and hop on the treadmill for 30 minutes.
8:43 pm – Shit! Well I guess I can always go workout tomorrow….or maybe start a fresh week Monday.
- Goody
Roster Addition
I just want to report that blogging prodigy "Nabber" has agreed to add some guest posts. His plug rating is off the charts so we think he'll really be a great contributor.
Don't do me like that, Goody!
Hey plugs,
It's your 2 favourite stud-men, Teebs & Goody. Blogging seems to be the newest cool thing to do so we figured we'd stop by to preach the good word of the duster. Plus, it's pretty obvious that everyone we know has been dying for us to start one up. Enjoy.
Love,
teebs and goody
It's your 2 favourite stud-men, Teebs & Goody. Blogging seems to be the newest cool thing to do so we figured we'd stop by to preach the good word of the duster. Plus, it's pretty obvious that everyone we know has been dying for us to start one up. Enjoy.
Love,
teebs and goody
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