Thursday, June 18, 2009

Did We Mention That Cito Is The Man?

Hey there!
About two years ago, I mentioned that I would be writing about how I thought the Jays would still make the playoffs, even after that horrendous nine game losing streak. (By the way, I think there should be a new name for that, 'streak' sounds like too much of a good thing)
Since the Jays started out at 27-14, they've gone 10-17. Not good.
But since the nine game funk (that's better), they've gone 10-8.
Okay, not bad.
But now Roy and Downs are out, and this club is relying heavily (again) on young starting pitching, always a sticky situation.

There are, let me see, five reasons why I think the 2009 Toronto Blue (always so very close to Black) Jays will indeed make the playoffs, althought it will probably be as the wild card entrant.

1. Cito Cito Cito... I know, too much credit can't be doled out to this man. He doesn't even play, right? Still, he (and the coaching staff) elevates the play of this roster. You know it's true.
2. Marco Scutaro, Scott Rolen and Adam Lind...If there were 3 of each of these guys composing the starting 9, they'd min a shit load more games. Each hussles, each works the count, and each is what you could call 'heady' players. Rios and Wells should watch those three guys' approach at the plate.3. Roy...He'll be back, and when he does, he'll win 10 more games and help solidify a surprisingly strong and sturdy starting staff (see what I did there?)

4. There is more parity...No one in the Central is winning the wild card, and it might not come out of the west either once Texas fades. That leaves Toronto, Tampa and the Yankees. I still don't think the Yankees are as good as they've sometimes played, and I just don't like the Rays ok? So there.

5. It's been 16 god damn years...Can't the Jays just be that team that surprises everyone? For once? It's been everyone to the Rockies to the Marlins to the Rays over the years. It's time.

By the way, for those of you wondering what Cito's record is since taking over again last season, here it is:
87-68 (.561)

Monday, June 8, 2009

Alexisonfire

Alex Rios has had a tough go of it lately; he is the proud owner of a .174 batting average in the month of June, on pace for another underwhelming year both at the plate and in the field, and recently got in an argument with a dude outside of a charity event in Toronto after refusing to sign an autograph for a young fan. As the Blue Jays continue to plug away and stay close to the big boys of the American League East many players are enjoying successful years at the plate thus far. Aaron Hill has re-established himself as one of the leagues brightest young second baseman, Marco Scutaro has proven he belongs to be in the starting line-up every day, and Adam Lind continues to improve each game. Alex Rios seems to be an exception, an outlier, on this over-achieving squad.

Those of you who didn’t hear about Alexis’ spat with a fan after a charity event in Toronto last week can watch the video here. This video upsets me ....sure Rios acted like a douche, but I am torn between my love for the lanky bastard and his actions in the amateur video.

There are some obvious things wrong with this video, the first being the fact that Rios refused to sign an autograph for a young fan, I think this is pretty lame on his behalf. Toronto is far from a baseball Mecca and I am pretty confident Alex can parade around town without being hoarded by hundreds of eager fans looking for his Herbie Hancock. Just because you had a rough night at the plate the previous game (0-5, 5 K’s) gives you no right to snub a young, impressionable fan.

The second part of this video that I didn’t like, and reflects poorly on him is the fact that he dropped the fuck bomb about 5 or 6 times in a crowd of onlookers. I’m no prude, but yelling out who gives a fuck! Followed by a fuck you! And a fuckin’ idiot! whilst surrounded by young fans and people holding cell phones is not cool, gotta keep that shit profesh, Alexis.

The third part that bugged me was pretty much summed up by the fan who told Rios that he is lucky anyone even wants his autograph the way he’s been playing lately. It’s a great chirp, and also true. You can argue that Vernon Wells has been a bigger disappointment so far this year, yet I still think that he is much more valuable to the Jays than Mr. Rios. Vernon seems to be a leader in the clubhouse, a hard worker, a good teammate and former gold glove winner, Rios on the other hand seems to be a guy full of talent and potential whose biggest accomplishment is finishing second in the 2007 home run derby.

I have gone on long enough about how Alex Rios acted like a duster in that short you tube video; I guess it’s only fair to explain why I still like him...a little bit anyways. The guy; according to every teammate and coach in the Blue Jays organization, has a stupid amount of god-given talent and athletic ability, and he finished second in the freaking home run derby....like fuck, figure it out Alex! There is no denying Alex Rios is a good baseball player; I just wanna see him become great. He is currently signed to a decent contract that will see him make $64 million over 6 years so I guess I have no choice but to believe Rios can hit his potential and help lead the jays to prominence in the American League in future years, I just hope he doesn’t act like such a douche along the way...but even if he does, who gives a fuck!!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Top 5 Fattest (Greatest) Things You Can Toss Into Your Gut

So myself and some pals attended a Blue Jays game this weekend and decided it would be a great idea to get the All-You-Can-Eat tickets. I was somewhat skeptical on the availability of food and the frequency at which we would be able to crush hot dogs and nachos. For instance, would I be able to grab as much chow as I pleased at any time? Or would I be limited to grabbing 2 dogs and a pop per inning or something gay like that. I was not disappointed. It was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. Goody already touched on his gluttony...and may I say that is a very impressive amount of nacho dishes. Let's just say I ate as many dogs as there are innings in a baseball game, and we combined to lay waste to somewhere in the realm of 25-30 chiens as a group. Too good.

As a result, I've been inspired to share with you what I believe to be the 5 most outstanding foods that are also guaranteed to be in the top 5 list of foods that most certainly will increase the risk of heart disease. I'm going to limit this to foods that I have actually consumed...I've heard of burgers that have a fuckin Krispy Kreme donut serving as the bun, and although that is surely the fattest and most fantastic thing I've ever heard of, unfortunately I have not experienced it. Here we goooo...

#5: Taquitos from 7 Eleven - To be honest, I don't even know what the hell these things are made of, but they are so tastyyy. If you have never had one of these you are missing out. Such a treat.

#4: Big Mac - So classic. The fact that there is such a thing as a Double Big Mac is really just a slap in the face to me. Just make me fatter, thanks a lot. If I love Big Macs, why would I NOT get a Double Big Mac? Fuck you Ronald.

#3: McGriddles - These are just so retarded. Bacon or sausage with egg and cheese inside what can best be described as 2 mini pancakes. They are about the size of your fist and you might as well not eat for the rest of the day if you have one. I'll have 2 please.

#2: Stuffed Crust Pizza from Pizza Hut - I could have just said pizza and left it at that, but this za is just so extra good and fat. Just when you thought there was no more room for more cheese on the wheel, they toss it in the crust. Bonus.

#1: Poutine from pretty much anywhere - I'm placing this at number 1 right now but this list is really completely interchangeable from day to day. I loves me some poutine though. Shout out to my buddy Orty up in Ottawa for introducing me to the Elgin Street Diner's poutine. They top off your fries, gravy and cheese with chopped up meat. Stupid good.