3 Dusters

Vegetables Are Bad For You

2010-03-15T22:14:00.008-04:00

Do people really enjoy eating vegetables?

This is a question I occasionally ponder, and I still haven't found a clear cut answer. I guess the easy answer is yes. Vegetarians/vegans must really enjoy eating them, right? Or do they? I feel like being a vegetarian/vegan is more of a choice based on the process of the meat manufacturing business than anything. No one can really like vegetables enough to eat them almost exclusively, can they?

I think vegetable consuming people fall into 3 categories.

A) The people who only eat veggies because they are good for them. These are the people who cook the shit out of vegetables, pour some sort of sauce all over them, mix them in with their mashed potatoes, rice, etc.. The people who convince themselves that since they eat corn and potatoes with most of their meals that they're pretty much getting their recommended veggie intake. If you haven't figured it out yet, this is me 100%.

B) The people who are trying to lose weight or are following some sort of diet for whatever reason. These are the people who force large amounts of veggies into their faces even though they hate their lives doing it. These are the girls out there who go to restaurants and order a salad, when everyone knows they really want the steak and potatoes. They fool themselves into thinking they enjoy what they are doing.

C) The mysterious creature that actually fills up their plate with greens, and loves it. A true anomaly.

I have a little anecdote to share with you to help you see where I'm coming from.

The other day I was having a conversation about either video games or pornography or both with my buddy James and he informed me that he was in the process of cooking up what he referred to as a "dirty" stir-fry. Curious like a cat, I asked what sort of ingredients he was using for this unclean meal. He enthusiastically told me that there was some chicken, garlic, carrots, broccoli, and then I stopped caring.

I asked, "Do you really enjoy eating that?" "Do you really love a meal that includes so many vegetables?"

His answer was basically this: "They are fine when you cook them with meat and stuff and can't really taste them."

Is it not strange that we eat things that we don't want to fully taste? I sure wouldnt want my steak to be cooked in a manner where I couldn't really taste it. My chicken wings better not be cooked with any ingredients where I can't enjoy their full flavour.

Another one that I can't really wrap my head around is eating mushrooms with steak. I know they aren't tecnhically veggies, but still. I actually hear that this dish is fantastic. Really though?I've tried mushrooms, and there's no doubt in my mind that they would hinder my ability to fully enjoy my juicy steak.

I'm making this sound like I eat zero vegetables, which isn't really true. Like I said before, as a category A veggie eater, I'm a huge corn and potato guy. 2 of the most useless vegetables a person can ingest. Here's a quick list of the other veggies I occasionally consume:

- Broccoli (with half a bottle of cheese whiz on top)
- Tomatoes (Ketchup, spaghetti sauce)
- Carrots (chopped up in tiny little pieces and dropped in some type of soup broth)
- Lettuce (an ingredient in the footlong subs I get which also include cheese, meat, a lot of ranch or southwest sauce, and a non-whole wheat form of bread)
- Peas (See Carrots)
- Onion (Either in Ring form, or in French Onion Soup)
- Pickles (vegetables?)
- Vegetable Thins (crackers)

OK, so I'm reaching a bit at the end there, gimme a break.

The point is vegetables are dumb.

If you are one of those insane people who actually enjoys eating them, please enlighten me as to why they are so great.

Anyways, I just got some McDonalds coupons in the mail today, gotta go check those out. Later.

Shorts!? Really!!??

2010-03-08T13:58:00.003-05:00

I made my way up to the University campus on this beautiful day to have my grad photos taken. I enjoyed the drive along Taunton and up Simcoe with my windows down while I blasted Yeasayer. The unseasonably warm weather had me in jeans, a polo, and a rather heavy jacket which I probably didn't need to wear but was glad I did when I walked anywhere which the sun was not exposed. I parked my vehicle and began my 5 minute walk to the Student Centre to make love to the camera, on my way I came across a once endangered species, a species that now seems to be anything but endangered, but rather becoming more and more prevalent throughout North America every year. I am talking about, of course, the shortus weareritis. I said it myself earlier, it was a beautiful day, but that doesn't mean it's anywhere near warm up enough for short pants. I checked the weather app on my phone and to my surprise it was only 8 degress out, the way some of these plugs were dressed you woulda thought it was 35. I saw a few guys in shorts and t shirts, and then I saw a pair of dudes in shorts, hoodies, and one was even wearing a freaking toque! How is it that your head and ears as well as your arms are cold enough to cover up with material, but your legs are too warm, and need to be exposed? I know that everybody is getting excited because of the recent warm weather, but let's not get carried away people. Keep your legs covered until it hits 10 or 15 degrees at the very least.

I Can't Think of a Witty Title

2010-03-08T11:48:00.005-05:00

Good to see the other 2 dusters get back in the mix here. Just hopped on here to touch on a few topics real quick.

1) I didn't even watch the finale of the Bachelor. After Gia got the boot and it became clear that Vienna was gonna take the cake I completely lost interest. The meaningless and horrible "Women Tell All" episode certainly didn't help the cause. I would like to point out that in an earlier column I predicted Ali becoming the next Bachelorette, which is actually happening. Good for me.

2) Ryan Howard is an idiot. If anyone reading this has ever watched a minute of baseball, please watch this (Hazel Mae with a nice appearance). There is so much wrong with his response about hitting .300 I can't even begin to fathom what is going through his head. "...I don't think people take into account how many hits I have taken away from the shift....if you add those hits back in, I'm hitting close to .300..." What the hell is that? Add those hits back in? Who does this guy think he is?

This is pretty much the equivalent of a reporter asking Alex Ovechkin, "Alex, what would it take for you to score 70 goals this year?" "Well, I feel like I've scored 70 goals every year, I don't think people take into account the goals that I've scored that get taken away by the goalies making saves."

News Flash: If you hit .270, you hit .270, you don't get to change the 30 line drives or deep fly balls that were caught into hits. Retard. Maybe he'd like to take away a few of his 200 strikeouts a year and change those into hits too. Might push him to .320. What a joke.

3) Nabber's not gonna like this, but I've recently made my first attempt at quitting dip/chew. I've been off the Skoal for a couple weeks now. I'm certainly aware of the negative effects it has on one's health, but that's not really what's behind my attempt to quit. It's the $15 price tag on tins at my local convenience stores and gas stations. Yes, I know they sell them for $10 at Smokey's Way on Simcoe, but even that's a lot. It should be noted that I've never really been a bigtime dipper compared to some people I know. I'd bang out 1 tin, occasionally 2 tins, per week, nothing major. So, you would think it wouldn't be that hard to stop...

Let's just say I'm absolutely dying for a pinch lately. I think about it all the time. I miss everything about it. It sucks.

4) Back to baseball real quick. I read a post on facebook where some guy that I don't know said "Vernon Wells needs to take hitting lessons". Of course, this bothered me. Hitting lessons? Really? Here's a lesson for everyone. Baseball is not golf, no one takes lessons. You take batting practice. You do hitting drills. Figure it out.

Here's one more lesson. Don't chirp my boyfriend Vernon, he's doing his best.

5) A few posts back I recommended The Hurt Locker to our readers. It won Best Picture last night at The Oscars and set a record for being the lowest grossing movie to win that award. I thought it was one of the more deserving winners in recent years. I was glad to see it beat out the overhyped, and maybe slightly overrated, Avatar.

That's about all for now. I'm gonna go buy 100 Skoal tins.

Since You've Been Goneeeee

2010-03-05T00:17:00.006-05:00

The recent effort of Nabber and myself has been pretty brutes marutes, kudos to Tbo for keeping things afloat with news of the bachelor while Nabber and I neglected this once widely popular blog.

A lot has happened since I last posted, the Olympic Games have come and gone to some scrutiny and much fanfare across Canada. The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love has come to a stupid yet predictable ending, and believe it or not; I actually have made my way to a place of excerice on a somewhat regular basis...pretty much look like The Situation these days.

Much has been written about the Olympic Games in Vancouver, Tbo talked about how some nations blasted the games for the small technical difficulties during the opening ceremonies and the lack of snow throughout Vancouver and Whistler, as well as the lack of organization during the 2 week celebration of sport. I agree with him that it is ridiculous for these people to ridicule the games for reasons which are out of our hands, as well as simple glitches that probably shouldn't have happened, but have no bearing on the outcome of any of the events. Now that the games are over it seems the only people that are still sour are the Russians, but this probably has more to do with the poor showing by their athletes than the Games themselves.

From a viewing perspective I thought the games were amazing, the coverage on TSN, CTV and Sportsnet (sorry APTN and RDS but you both suck) had many people waking up early and even more going to bed late so they could watch the ending of some ridiculous event that they would otherwise flip right by. I think that is what makes the games so amazing, especially when they are in Canada and so many of our athletes have a chance at doing something amazing. Watching something like Skeleton would never be exciting if it weren't for some beauty competing, winning, and boozing on the street after. Like Nabber, I won't be watching quite as much when the games are in Snookie, Russia, or whatever the place was called, but I am glad I had the opportunity to see such a successful Olympics Games in Canada in my lifetime.

On a side note, I loved the segments showing the medal winners with "I Believe" playing in the background, but If I ever hear that song again I'm going to lose my mind.

The Bachelor is over and Jake chose Vienna. The ending was lame, the after the rose show after was even lamer and I probably won't ever watch this show again.....Who am I kidding, did you hear Ali is the next Bachelorette? Who is down for a pool, $20 a person, winner take all? Viewing party at my house every week, be there.

Oh yes, The gym....I've been a few times, hate my life, had Arby's and then wings and deep fried pickles lastnight. Beach....here I come.

Oh ya! I Sometimes (Okay, Rarely) Write For A Blog!

2010-03-03T23:12:00.004-05:00

Isn't it awful when the only time I come here to write something is when I'm bored out of my tree?
I just came to that realization now. Many things enter the old dome during the course of the day that I either find funny, annoy me or just plain piss me off, but I do not come on here to post such thoughts. Well, starting now I am making a pledge to all of you (insert joke about having little to no readers here) that I will make more of an effort to contribute to this thing.

Now, having just read the previous post (dated February 17th - meaning Teebs and Goody never come on here either...I am not alone!), I'm going to give my two cents on the 2010 Winter Olympic Games.

I'll say this: I usually don't watch the Olympics with great interest, but this year I was watching every day and loving almost of of the events (the cross-country skiing makes for bad television, yet no one is more exhausted or looks like they gave more effort than when the skiers cross the finish line).

Where was I? Oh yes...The games were pretty fantastic and it's great the Canadian athletes made such a strong push at the end to set a record for Gold Medals - the last being capped off with a Sidney Crosby OT winner. Incredible.

I don't know if I'll watch the next Olympic games as closely as I watched these, being that were on home soil, but I have more of an appreciation of the athletes and the events.

And now onto something that boils my blood often...the eternal whipping boys...Your Toronto Black Jays!!!

I don't know if I've touched on this before, but why is the formerly monikered SkyDome now called "Rogers Centre"? Do they play hockey or basketball in there?
Seriously, who came up with such a ludicrous idea for a ballpark name?
Only a Canadian marketing whiz would come up with such an idea. And only someone with no baseball sense would come up with the black jerseys with the abbreviated "Jays"on the front. I'll get to that later.

Only one other ballpark is called something other than field, park or stadium, and that's the Oakland Alameda Coliseum. I think that's what it's called. They play football in there too. Whatever, I'm fine with that.

I believe that some imbecile said, "Hey, hockey rinks and basketball arenas are called centres, so we can ours one too." No, you can't moron. It's a ballpark. A Field. A Stadium. What the hell would be wrong with Rogers Field? Tell me.
It's the exact thing I hate about the Black Jays right now. They're making some strides to return to being a competitive ballclub, but sometimes they seem interested in things other than baseball.
Black Jays Marketing Whiz - "Let's call it a Centre so people will think there's other things to do other than watch the actual baseball game."

Wrong idea. The way to get fans to the ballpark is by putting a winner of the field. Simple.
Same with the uni's. Let's change the uniforms so people will buy new jerseys and hats because we're losing money.

Well, put a better club out there and you won't have to change your colors every 5 years and be a joke.
Yankees? Red Sox? Not a joke.
That brings me to my final point about the "Jays" thing.

I despise the fact that it says Jays on their jersey and that Sportsnet and Rogers has the nerve to say "Rogers Jays baseball".
Again, some fool thought that because fans casually refer to the Blue Jays as the "Jays" ("Hey, wanna go to the Jays game?"), that it was alright to refer to them that way on TV and in print. It looks bush league.
When you watch a Yankees game on YES, they never say "Yanks", it's always Yankees baseball.

That's what drives me bananas about the Blue Jays organization. Until they change some of these things (which may seem minor or even ridiculous to the casual fan), they will never be an historic franchise. They may never be one anyway, but it would go a long way with me if they started acting like a baseball team. That's just what happens I guess when you live in a country in which the sport isn't number one, and never will be.
Bit of a rant...

Don't Rain On Our Parade

2010-02-17T14:34:00.005-05:00

While this post would usually be a lenghty Bachelor recap, I have other things on my mind today. However, I will quickly, and I mean very quickly, touch on Monday's events...

- It's official, Jake is without penis
- Gia's boobs are amazing
- Tenley, while very attractive, is way too dull and boring
- Vienna is a gargoyle, and she's just a weird girl. She's not cool, not funny, and certainly not endearing. Tenley is void of personality but she's at least a nice, polite girl.
- My prediction of this week's rose ceremony was correct *patting self on back*
- Vienna will win.
- Watch out for the Ali factor. In the name of ratings and entertainment she could make some sort of comeback down the road when Jake realizes that Vienna is a joke.
- Ali or Tenley = the next Bachelorette.

Alright on to something that's caught my attention over the past few days. People slamming they city of Vancouver and the 2010 Winter Olympic Games.

This is where our Canadian politeness and graciousness need to take a major backseat and we tell the world to STFU already. That means Shut the Fuck Up for those who don't know. I guess I could've just written that, oh well. Anyways...

The London Free Press did a little piece on the Vancouver games possibly being the worst games ever. Somehow they had the nerve to cite the rainy weather as being a major problem. I saw some British tard saying how it looks pretty bad to the rest of the world when the Winter Games are being held in a city with warm and rainy weather. Another factor being the tragic death of the Georgian luge athlete, where many critics are blaming the poor track design and safety precautions for the young man's death.

Here were my initial reactions to this.

A) London, England looking down upon the rainy Vancouver weather? Are you shitting me? London, England? Doesn't it rain there every other day? Give me a break. I hope a giant freak unstoppable hurricane somehow makes its way up the Atlantic and hits London for the 2012 Summer Games.

B) Munich, 1972. That's it. 11 Isreali athletes and coaches killed by terrorists during the Summer Games. If you don't know the whole story read this. Or go rent the movie which tells the story of the aftermath of those events. You want to talk about deaths in the Olympic games? Start there. The death of the Georgian athlete was obviously terrible. I don't want to sound insensitive but we can't just blame the organizers here. He was an inexperienced luger who did not even compete at the same level as most of his competitors in this event. A few thousand runs have been made down Vancouver course and this is the first time anything close to this magnitude has taken place. It is extremely unfortunate and sad, but it should not be a reason to bash this event as a whole.

OK, one more thing. I've lost a lot of respect for Rick Reilly as a sports writer in the past year or so. For those of you who don't know Rick Reilly, he's a highly acclaimed sports writer, former columnist for Sports Illustrated and now for ESPN.

I haven't read much Reilly since he left SI, and, in my opinion his work has sucked balls since he left. I've read his last couple columns (Column 1, Column 2) which are attempts at poking fun at Canadian stereotypes and such, but to me he just comes off sounding like the stereotypical arrogant American. Some of the stuff he goes for just isn't even funny, nor accurate (apparently we say "arse" instead of "butt"). In his second column he offers up the old "I was just kidding, don't be so sensitive" card, then proceeds to slam the opening ceremonies among other things.

If you're gonna do an article making digs at another country's culture quirks, it's gotta be accurate and at least moderately funny, otherwise you better expect some backlash. And there's nothing worse than the "I was just kidding" play. No one likes the guy who throws daggers and then backs off when people get a little offended.

Come on, Rick. You're better than that.

If You Don't Read This Post I'm Gonna Be Doing Backflips!

2010-02-10T12:50:00.006-05:00

I don't really have much to say about the events that transpired on this week's episode of The Bachelor.

I thought it was easily the worst episode thus far. Just a complete overload of Jake being soft and the ladies being totally nuts. The grandmother spirit thing with Ali was just so over the top and Tenley's dance was just ridiculous. I was speechless after that performance and she immediately went into Vienna status. Meaning she fell 100 levels in my books, at least.

Ali leaving at the end was the most lame thing I've seen in a while when it comes to reality television. The simple choice is to go home and go to work if you have to. If he really wants to he'll get in touch with you later and you can get back to the love business. Done deal. Making that choice isnt nearly as difficult as she made it out to be. At least it shouldn't be.

Tenley's dance was ridiculous. End of story.

Can they make Tenley's ex-husband's image any worse? They make this guy sound like a complete douchebag all the time and I bet he's not even a bad guy at all. In fact, when Jake said he was the exact opposite of her ex I instantly came to to the conclusion that the ex would be one of the coolest guys ever.

I don't even remember what Vienna was doing in this episode because I probably changed the channel. I remember her Dad looking like a real winner though. Also, I love the Dads out there who still refer to there grown ass daughter as their little princess to their prospective boyfriends. Let's cut the fairy tale stuff at 18 or something. Your daughter's boyfriend doesn't want to think of her as your "little princess" when he's doing the no pants dance with her.

Gia's whole family meeting was alright I guess. I also heard that her brother is being cast for season 2 of Jersey Shore. What a plug that guy was.

Quote of the season so far (paraphrasing here): "If Ali decides to leave I'll be so upset I'll be doing backflips." - Jake

Come on, Ned Flanders. Backflips?

Oh yeah, one more thing. Was the L-bomb that Ali dropped really that big of a deal? I didn't think so. They pretty much tell each other that they love each other every 10 minutes with the "I'm falling in love with you line". Maybe it's me being a guy but I don't really see the difference. The show even went so far as to subtitle the "I love you" in case we suddenly lost our understanding of the English language.

That's it for Jake and the Gang. I'll throw a prediction out for the rest of the season.

Next week: Vienna and Tenley move on, Gia gets sent home
Finale: Vienna wins

Which is exactly the opposite of what I would do.

I'm a Fuckin Soldier! And I'm Old School...

2010-02-03T14:11:00.003-05:00

First I'd like to thank Kellen Winslow, Jr. for inspiring the title for this post (what a loser).

Let's get right to it. I do not watch reality television (First 48 and programs like that are not the same), so I will not be commenting on The Bachelor and the moronic Jersey Shore escapades.

Garbage. Horseshit. Vomit.

These are just a few of the words that come to mind when I think of these shows.
I am an intelligent, educated man and I will not subject myself to the advances of these ludicrous programs that are infiltrating my TV set based mostly on the fact that they can be produced on thye cheap. They don't have to pay actors. They have to pay for talent. Simple.

Now I will admit, I'm somewhat bitter. I've always dreamed about becoming an award winning thespian, so the idea that these people are on TV and in movies with no talent or experience rankles me...

"Oh, The fucking Situation is on television and is making money and then when the shows over will make even more money because of the show...he's on TV but I'm not?"

Can I be famous? Can I make lots of money? Someone help me out here. Why can't Teebs, Goody and Myself be on a show? It'd be funnier than anything out there. Book it!

Anyway, I'm an old school kind of guy. I like watching sports, old Seinfeld and Fresh Prince re-runs and a good ole Catch-the-bad-guy-crime show. Call me old fashioned, but I like watching things that make me say, "Well that's absolutely hilarious. No way I could do that."

I go to the gym, go for a tan and do laundry everyday pal...except I actually do none of those things on a daily basis.
I'm lazy, so no gym there.
I don't tan in the winter that's just silly.
And my girlfriend does my laundry.

But I could do those things! I could...I really could.

On a side note, I love the Leafs trade. Burkie is not fooling around. They won the deal, Phaneuf will step his game up and Giguere will get back to being a very good goalie now that he's re-united with Francois Allaire, his old goaltending coach.

And I like the Colts in the SuperBowl this weekend. I don't like predicting scores, but I think the Saints might be a little too amped up. The Colts, for the most part (and more importantly Peyton Manning) have been there before, so I think Indy takes it.
What? You want a score?...Ok, Ok.

Colts 34
Saints 23

Jake The Snake Needs to Grow a Pair

2010-02-02T22:24:00.007-05:00

1. That link in the post below showing Snooki getting absolutely clocked by the drunk guy is mesmerizing. What a shot. I challenge you not to watch that punch 10 times in a row. It's incredible. The guy with the white hat in the back watching the whole thing is great too. The recording cuts off right before his jaw falls off his face.

2. I'd just like to acknowledge the reader comments from my previous post. To Adrienne, there may very well be 9 reasons why I watch Jersey Shore, and "titties" is likely one of those. However, Ed Hardy enjoyment doesn't come anywhere close to cracking the list. A) I don't own a single article of Ed Hardy clothing. B) Seeing as it is adored by guidos, I don't think I'll be hitting up my local retailer anytime soon.

Also, the comment by Mr. or Ms. Anonymous has raised a few questions for me. Popping corn, sitting on a couch and getting my head rubbed sounds like an outstanding trio of events, but who am I doing this with? I'm going to assume either Goody or Nabber, and I would gladly pop corn and get a head rub from either of those 2 fine gentlemen. Please clarify. Also, what is Broke Back Mounting? Never heard of it....

Alright let's move on to what I really came to do...A quick recap of last night's events on the Bachelor.

I could be completely alienating the 10 person fanbase that we've accumulated here but that's just too bad. To those of you who question my sexuality for watching this show, think what you want. Unfortunately, at this point in my life I have no solid evidence to show that I'm not a homosexual. Let's get to it...

First of all, this guy just needs to man up once in a while. There were moments in this episode where Jake could've really showed me that he actually has a pair and instead he just pussies out. For example, during the date with Corrie they come to an absolute standstill in the boat, where she is pretty much begging for him to kiss her without actually saying "Hey, idiot, just lean over here and lay one on me, you pussy." What does he do? He sits there and after an excruciating few moments of silence he says, "I'm about ready for dinner." Nice play.

Sidenote: I didn't even include Corrie on the poll which was made before the show aired. That's how forgettable she was and obviously she paid the price.

Gia is probably the best looking girl on the show and I think Jake knows it. I think if he was asked who he would most like to have sex with it would be her. Hmm, why don't they ask stuff like that? Talk about a ratings booster. Who wouldn't like to see Jake sit down with the host and be questioned about stuff like that? Or, how cool would it be if at this point he had the option to sleep with one of them, but the girl he chooses is immediately eliminated from the show? Would there be any takers there? What are the other consequences if he does take that route? Do the other girls get to know? What a concept.

Who am I kidding, this is the same guy who said something about how he could could curl up with Ali and feel safe with her. Wow. Nevermind, that idea wouldn't even be discussed with Jake.

Speaking of Ali, she's probably got the most personality of any of them. I'd take her with Gia's looks.

Tenley looks to be the frontrunner right now, which is no real surprise as she has about as little personality as Jake does. I'm not really surprised to learn that she's a divorcee. What normal guy would be able to talk about nothing all day, even with a good looking girl like that. I'm also not surprised to see that Jake is into her considering he has no personality to speak of either.

Last, and most certainly least, comes Vienna, who is a sick joke. She's crosseyed for starters, and she's a retard. Bad combo. I've heard rumours that he picks her in the end, which would be the biggest joke of all time. It would suit him though, he'll probably pick her out of fear that she'll kill him or herself if she doesn't get chosen.

That's about all I have for now. If you've been tuning in, great work, let me know what you think of what has transpired so far. If you haven't, get with the program and start watching. I'll probably be back next Tuesday to comment on this matter.

Sloppy Seconds and Fist Pumpin' Like Champs!

2010-02-01T00:59:00.002-05:00

I wasn’t going to talk about sports but I think it’s almost impossible not to after the big news out of Leaf Land earlier today. I first heard the news about the Phaneuf trade through sportsnet (yes, I admit I was actually watching this poor excuse of a sports channel). It was early Sunday (around 2pm) and I was just waking up, at first I thought I had dreamt it, the dream involved myself, Dion, Elisha, and those sloppy seconds Sean Avery had referred to last year, let’s just say it was a good dream. Once I finally came to I immediately hopped on the internet and read all about the blockbuster deal that sent Phaneuf, a prospect, and that guy who scored that sweet end to end goal for Phoenix a few years back to Toronto in exchange for Hagman, Stajan, White, and Mayars. There is no doubt that this trade will be analyzed to death by the professionals over the next few weeks/months/ years throughout Toronto/GTA/Ontario/Canada.

I think it is interesting and probably a good deal for the Leafs. They often say whoever gets the best player in the trade is usually the winner, in this case it is Phaneuf. Can’t say the Leafs didn’t win anything this year. The other trade, although not as big, may prove to be more beneficial, not for the fact that the Leafs got a once dominate goaltender in J.S. Giguere, but rather the fact that they got rid of Jason Blake and that stupid contract...oh, and that goalie...Vesa what’s his bucket. As a Leaf fan I guess that I am happy about the trades, here’s hoping there is more retooling this trade deadline and throughout the off season.

Now onto the important stuff, reality television! I, like Tbo, am a huge fan of this garbage, it’s a guilty pleasure. My reality T.V. watching days began many moons ago with such gems as Average Joe’s, Joe Millionaire, Temptation Island, Laguna Beach, and perhaps my favourite; The Joe Schmo Show. I am well aware that most of these programs are mind numbing garbage but it’s just so hard to look away. The more ridiculous they are; the better. Jersey Shore was one of the more memorable reality programs in recent years, I mean, what’s not to love? There were blow outs, fist pumps, teachers punching hobbits, hot tub parties and of course, a duck phone...all of this lead to T.V. gold.

One of the greatest T.V. role models was born during the Jersey Shore...of course I am referring to Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. Parents, take notes, this guy is what your child could grow up to become if you continue to use top notch parenting skills. His daily regimen of gym, tan, laundry, or GTL, as many refer to it, is the definition of hard work and determination and is surely a product of a stern, military style upbringing. His self confidence and exquisite sense of style must have been passed down to him from a gentleman of a father. Not to be overlooked is his ability to look for personality in a girl over looks, which must be the reason why he often brought home girls which were less than good looking, this is clearly something that was passed down to him from his mother. He also has great communication skills and knows when not to hit a girl, even if she throws a deadly spinning left hook. One of these days I hope to be like The Situation, being well into my 50’s and living at a house full of 20 something’s that I still consider my peers. I just hope my parents raised me as well as the Sorrentinos.

Jersey Shore has recently been renewed for another season, here is hoping that it will continue to provide us with all things guido, until then I will be watching as Jake picks his fiancé, If he chooses Vienna Sausage over Tetley Tea I am sure you will be reading about it on your favourite blog....

Snookin For Love

2010-01-23T17:30:00.005-05:00

Does anyone still read this??

What great dedication the 3 of us have here. We come back after a huge hiatus and bang out a few posts, then Goody and I take another month off and Nabber tosses in a Mark McGwire post about a week after it was actual news. (Great post though Nabber, agreed with all of it, I miss your face).

Anyways, we've been talking way too much about sports lately. Who really gives a damn about sports in January when you live in the GTA? Seriously. Everyone sucks. It's depressing.

Instead of talking about sports I'm just gonna hit you with a few things that matter to me on this particular day.

1. It's Saturday night and I'll be heading out to the Whitby scene with a few of the boys soon. (No Girls Allowed). What the fuck happened to this place? When I was 19 this town was full of decent bars to go to. Now where can I go? The Tap & Tankard andddddd..... yeah that's it. OTR is now the Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch Outlet Mall, Lava is just flat out gone (RIP), Heat is, well... Heat, and Sand Bar/110/Echo/former gay bar/Rodeo Saloon is just god awful. Oh, and what a horrible name. Rodeo Saloon? Fuck that's creative. Let's just pick out two Western related words and put them together. I guess Cowboy Ranch didn't make the cut. Awful.

2. TV viewing has been pretty solid lately. What more can be said about Jersey Shore? You could tell from the previews of this show that it was destined for greatness. I'd easily put it in my top 5 reality shows of all time. My only gripe is that there was no mention of the "My New Haircut" video by MTV or anyone for that matter. The After Show or something should've done a segment where they used pieces from that video and ran them in comparison with some of the moments on the show. It would've been outstanding. Maybe I'll work on that for the blog here. Ha, yeah right...

I'm hooked on The Bachelor as well. He's so fuckin cute. Whaaaat...I mean I'm hooked on the show. 2 hours is a little much, there are far too many gratuitous ab shots of the guy and I don't see how going to an amusement park with 5 girls would ever be fun, but what the hell. I get to see a bunch of chicks (several with storebought boobs) parade around and listen to all the dumb things they say. I also get to listen to my dad ask me if I'm "turning gay on him" and if I'm ever going to get a girlfriend again. Awesome.

3. If you haven't already, go watch the movie The Hurt Locker. There were a lot of good movies in 2009 that Avatar is completely overshadowing, and this is definitely one of them. Avatar was great, no doubt, but not THAT great. Other than the visuals, which are definitely amazing, the rest is standard fare. I'm not gonna sit here and hate on Avatar, it was very good. The Hurt Locker was just a really cool movie. I haven't seen a movie where I actually gave a fuck about the characters in a while, but I did in this. Just really gripping and very entertaining all around. Jesus, what is this, Ebert and Roeper? Just go rent it, it's sweet.

Well that was a nice change from talking about the Black Jays and Gayple Leafs. I'm gonna throw out my NFL picks for fun though for all you sports junkies.

Colts 23 Jets 13

Vikings 31 Saints 28

By the way, I'm 2-6 so far. Those are probably losing picks.

Peace.

Mark McGLiar

2010-01-20T14:05:00.004-05:00

Hello out there!

Just wanted to give my take on the whole Mark McGwire situation, even though it's somewhat "old news" at this point.

Mark McGwire is a joke. Not because he used steroids though, oh no no no. I understand the "era" for what it was - a time when every Mark, Jose and Barry was able (allowed?) to 'roid up.

Since this story broke, a few former players have spoken out about this issue, including Jack Clark and the great Carlton Fisk. They're all totally against all of this, and I don't blame them.
They were guys who worked hard to get to where they got to, probably without the use of banned substances like steriods.

But why should someone like me get all twisted up over this? I didn't play. Roids were NOT against the rules in Major League Baseball, and although I tend to be more on the side of the guys that didn't use, I see clearly the viewpoints of the 'roid users. And I understand why they took them. I don't really blame them, and I'm not angry at all.

Back to McGwire. He came out and admitted that he used steroids.
Ok that's great Mark, but why don't you go all the way with the truth?
McGwire believes that steroids did not help him hit any of his 583 career homeruns.
He only used them to "stay healthy and get back onto the field."

Right.

Why does he think anyone will buy that? It's such a joke.
Again, come out and say you did it, but when you do, just say some thing along the lines of
"It was a mistake, and I regret it. I owe some of my numbers to steroids, that's for sure."
I would love to see that. So would everyone else.

And just as a side not here, McGwire is not a hall of famer either. I believe people should get into the hall of fame regardless of steroid use, but even so, Big Mac's numbers do not stack up enough for me. All he has going for him are the 583 homers.

Now, that's a shit load of dingers, but do me a favour and look at some of the guys in history who have close to, but not quite 500 homers.
Then compare the other offensive numbers of those guys to McGwire's.

In closing, Mark McGwire might be a good guy, but he's a terrible liar.

Don't Do Me Like That, Goody!

2009-12-21T16:21:00.000-05:00

Word,

I know that many of our readers out there are very upset that I haven’t posted anything new on here for a couple months. I’ve heard stories of crying fits, panic attacks, people becoming violently ill, I even had to talk a few people off of ledges with promises of new material very soon, well alas, here is it; prepare to be underwhelmed.

Since it has been a while since I have posted I think I can touch on a few different topics, get it out all out of my system, kind of like the way I did early Sunday morning into a nearby garbage pale at my girlfriends house (I owe you).
I don’t know about the rest of you twenty somethings out there, but does anybody find it a little depressing that Christmas no longer means pure excitement for the month of December… waking up at 5am on Christmas Day to open up what seemed like a million presents? I just recently finished school, foreeeverrrrr, and with no career in site and the joy of working at 8AM on boxing day at a bitter cold hockey rink this year, I am having trouble getting into the Christmas Spirit. Sure, I have an advent calendar, but cardboard tasting chocolate can only bring you so much joy. I’ve watched a few Christmas movies… I think Christmas Vacation has been on at least one channel at every hour of the day since Dec 1. I’ve bought a few gifts, helped decorate the tree, even attended a Christmas Concert, yet it still sits in the back of my mind that Christmas will never be as fun as it was when I was 10, getting old and having responsibilities sucks, am I right?

Enough with the emo garbage, let’s move on to something less depressing… like Toronto sports teams (did I say less depressing?) 2010 could very well be another depressing year in the life of a Toronto sports fan. With the trade of Dr. Hal O’Day by the Black Jays, it is going to be another long year at the Rogers Centre. I will continue to root for the Jays, and I like the fact that we got some promising young prospects from the Phillies and A’s, but it is not going to change the fact that the Jays will most likely finish 4th or 5th in the AL East. Black Jays.

The Argo’s are a joke…well the CFL is a joke, so even if the Argo’s were good, they’d be a joke by default. They just fired their coach, his name was Bart, enough said.

The Raptors changed their roster drastically this off season and promised a good product on the floor, this year. Every game they lose and give up 378pts the more I think Colangelo is not the genius we were promised. Win a playoff series guys.

TFC; gay.

That leaves us with everybody’s favorite sports franchise, the May Pull Leifs. Could it be that the team that everybody has shit on at the beginning of the year turns it around and makes the playoffs? Could this no talent group of hacks actually win a round, maybe 2? Could they be the most successful sports team in Toronto in 2010? Maybe I’m reaching a little bit, but the recent turnaround of the Leafs has got people talking. The Leafs have certainly been playing better as of late, sitting 4 points out of a playoff position as of Monday afternoon. Phill Kessel has been playing well (other than a couple stinkers against his old team) making the deal that I blasted earlier this year look like it may turn out to be alright. I think the Leafs can pull it together and make a playoff appearance in 2010, especially in the joke that is the Eastern Conference. Here are a few New Year’s resolutions for the Maple Leafs, to ensure that they keep the train rolling into the New Year.

They need to play with a little more heart, especially Gustavsson.

Matt Stajan needs to contact the people at EA sports and inform them that his name is not pronounced “Stayin”. They’ve been pronouncing it like that in their video games for years, Figure it out.

Play with more balls, I’m looking at you Kessel (too soon?)

Get rid of Colton orr and Wayne Primeau and bring in their brothers, Keith and Bobby…Bobby is Colton’s brother right? Either way, bring in Bobby Orr.

Kaberle needs to grow a beard, he’s got the face of a 6 year old girl.

Ron Wilson really needs to stop letting his mother cut his hair, you’re making lots of money Ron, get a real haircut.

Make the playoffs.

Merry Christmas, y’all!!

There's No Roy in Team

2009-12-18T17:33:00.009-05:00

A message to all the fairweather Blue Jay fans who have been spouting off about this Roy Halladay trade: Shut up. There's a reason why you aren't the GM and there are countless reasons why this had to happen. He's gone, we'll all get over it, the team will be fine. Now go save your money for tickets for the home opener, pull out your old school Jays hat and jersey, proceed to watch 10 minutes of the game, get in a fight in the stands, and throw a few empty beer cups on the field. Thanks.

There are too many things I want to comment on right now. I've heard and read people say they aren't going to follow the Jays anymore. People are wondering who they can possibly cheer for now that Halladay is gone. Fans believe that Aaron Hill and Adam Lind are now the only useful players we have on the roster.........HUH??

Do people really have this stuff going through their brains? Come on people, I certainly get frustrated with this team on a regular basis, but never to that level. If you are a real fan of a team it takes a lot more than trading their best player to abandon them. That's lame.

I'm going to throw a few things out here on why people need to figure it out. This has the potential to turn into a huge Vernon Wells rant. Beware.

1) To the "fans" who are abandoning all hope and don't want to follow the team anymore: Really? You're done? Come on, it's just one guy when it comes down to it. Plus, he doesn't even play every day. Halladay is the best Blue Jay to ever take the mound that I've witnessed (well, Roger Clemens is, but fuck him) but it's not like he's the only player that matters. He pitches around 30-35 games a year. What's that you say? You only watch when Halladay pitches? Well, that's retarded. You can leave.

2) To the people who don't know who they can cheer for now that Halladay, Blue Jay of Blue Jays, has been traded to Philly. Uhhh here's one for ya...everyone else on the fucking team. Hello? You are a Blue Jays fan are you not? You cheer for everyone! That's right, you cheer for everyone on the team regardless of whether or not they are a star player. You don't like certain players on the team? Boo hoo. You think Vernon Wells (uh-oh, here we go) is an overpaid, useless piece of shit? Too bad! He's on the team like everyone else. If Halladay was your favourite player, I get it, it sucks. Follow his starts with the Phils, cheer him on, be glad he isn't killing Toronto with the Yankees or Red sox. Then, go cheer for the entire Jays team.

3) To the people who praise Aaron Hill and Adam Lind since only they are worth anything on this lousy squad. Give me a break. One great year apparently gets you MVP status among fairweather Jays fans. I've never seen 2 guys get so much love from the fans for having one good season. Aaron Hill's story is nice, I'm a big fan of his and it was great to see him have a huge comeback year. Lind looks like he's finally figured it out at the big league level and I hope he keeps it going. Both players had the best offensive seasons that Jays fans have seen since 2006, when Troy Glaus and Vernon Wells (yep, it's coming) put up big numbers. Now, Glaus only hit around .250 that year, so maybe he shouldn't be held in the same regard as Lind and Hill. Vernon, however, authored a batting line of .303, 32, 106, quite similar to the numbers Aaron and Adam achieved in the '09 season. Oh, and that isn't even the best season of his career. Fuck it, let's do this.....

Yes, its time for the Vernon Wells rant. I've been waiting a long time to do this on this blog.

People, forget the huge contract, forget what you think you know about this guy (enough with saying he's lazy and doesn't care, its such bullshit), and know this: Vernon Wells, when he is the real Vernon Wells and not this bandaided imposter we've seen the past couple years, is the best player on this team. You know it's true, stop kidding yourselves.

I know people are still going to say, fuck Vernon, he's lazy, doesn't hustle, blah blah blah. Here's something for you to chew on. Fans adore the guys that dive around and get dirty and play baseball 100mph. The Reed Johnsons of MLB. There's a reason why a guy like Reed Johnson has to play like that, and it's largely because he doesn't have the talent and can't play with the efficiency of a guy like Vernon Wells. The hustle guys are great to have for many reasons, but they aren't going to lead you to a ring. If you would rather have a guy like Reed in CF over Vernon you are a total loon.

Oh, and the contract, the oft-cursed contract. Ok, the contract sucks, it really does. It sucks even if he is putting up .300, 30 100 numbers. I get it though, the team needed to show the fans that they were willing to shell out the dough to keep our star players around. If the Jays didn't give him the money, someone else was going to give him just as much. But come on, people take this contract thing way too far. It's not your money, why do you care so much what he makes? Should he perform at a high level based on how much money he makes? Yes, but to a degree. I don't know if he can ever really "earn" that money in the haters' eyes at this point.

Like I said before, When Wells is on, he is the man, there's no debate. Give me another great year from Hill and Lind and another horrible year from Wells and that can probably be refuted. Until then, it's true, and it really grinds my gears that no one can admit that when the proof is right there.

Fans, get your act together and cheer for the team. Sure, they aren't going to be good this year, but don't just bail now and hop back on when they get good again, then you are just as bad as all those Red Sox fans that came out of god knows where back in 04. Man, that was so laaame.

As for Vernon, cheer the guy on. No more moans and groans every time he steps up with runners in scoring position. Yeah, he's had a couple rough years, and I'm sure he knows it. He wants to do well as bad as we want him to. Oh, and just so you know, I'm driving the Vernon Wells bandwagon in 2010, and, if you figure it out now, you can all hop on for the summer.

Merry Christmas to all of our readers and their families!

Love,

Teebs

DOC

2009-12-15T11:27:00.004-05:00

If it doesn't happen today, it will become official tomorrow. Roy Halladay will be traded to the Philadelphia Phillies. And you know what? Good. I'm pleased about it, satisfied.

Halladay never publicly lashed out and demanded a trade like so many others do. He's a class act and has remained that way until the final days of his Black Jays tenure. He's the best pitcher in baseball.

And go ahead and circle next June whatever on your calendar, because that's when Roy and the Phillies head back to Toronto for a three game series at the Rogers Centre. (What kind of baseball team calls their park a "centre" by the way? Call it Rogers Field, Park...Centre is for hockey and basketball arenas. Figure it out.)

Back to Halladay. I feel good about him not going to Boston or the Yankees, even though I wouldn't have lost my mind if he did. This trade is not about where he goes/went, it's about what the boys in black get back.

If Toronto gets Kyle Drabek, Michael Taylor and Travis D'Arnaud back as reported, I think that's a fine haul. Taylor is 24 and can probably step in right away if not next year, Drabek is 22 and not far away, and D'Arnaud is a 20-year old catching prospect who hit well last year in the minors. (.255, 13, 71, .319) He also hit 38 doubles.

When it's all said and done, Halladay is a Phillie, the Black Jays get back some nice prospects, and the fans don't hate Roy for leaving, or worse demanding a trade out of town. Doc should always be remembered in Toronto as one of at least the best two pitchers in franchise history (respect Stieb) and a class act who wanted to win above all else. That's what I'll think of, and I'll always hope he does well no matter where he goes for the rest of his career.

Having said all that, when are they trading Overbay? And are we really going to see John Buck and Ramon Castro share the catching duties this year? The answer to that last question is yes! Welcome to the beginning of the rebuild.

Go get 'em Tiger

2009-12-08T19:37:00.002-05:00

I just want to quickly revisit this Tiger Woods thing. After learning that he's allegedly been with at least 10 other women while he's been married, my opinion has changed slightly.

I wasn't ready to throw Tiger under the bus initially like so many others, but wow, 10? When will the number stop going up? Does he hit 20 soon? 50? 100 kills? Tiger clearly is not who we thought he was, and now I think he should come out from the shadows and speak on the matter, for his own sake.

I don't really need to hear about all the filthy little details, but he needs to come out and talk about this. If he's got some sort of problem like a sex addiction or whatever, fine, tell people. At this point he needs to clean up at least some of this mess because it's just getting out of control and he's looking like a bigger scumbag every hour.

If he doesn't, in 50 years people won't be talking about Tiger Woods as the greatest golfer of all time, he'll be remembered more for being an adulterous scumbag, which would be a real shame.

Hey, Uh, It's Tiger.

2009-12-03T16:13:00.005-05:00

With all of this Tiger Woods hoopla taking place it seemed appropriate that the 3 dusters should throw in their 2, or 3, cents. I've read about all there is to read lately on the Tiger Woods saga and all the media coverage and public response is fascinating . I should make it clear that while cheating on your spouse is not something that I condone or look favourably upon, I also think it's great that we have found out that yet another sports god is a flawed human being just like the rest of us.

I also think it's great that Tiger just proved that even though you might be super rich, good looking, have huge celebrity status, and have a smoking hot wife, it's still so tough to resist the urge to party and chase tail.

Before I get into this further I just want to post one of the best voicemail messages I've ever seen or heard. This is Tiger calling alleged mistress Jamie Grubbs...

“Hey, uh, it’s Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye.”

How awesome is that? I heard it on TV last night and it's even more enjoyable. He's clearly freaking out and his wife is probably just on the prowl looking for something to club (pun most definitely intended) him with.

Now, the mainstream media is all over Woods for all of this shit, demanding that he inform everyone of what has happened in his personal life and painting him to be this horrible human being, unworthy of holding his throne atop the sports universe. Well, that's stupid.

A) He has the right to handle any personal and family matters with himself and his family. I think the fact that he is attempting to handle this matter with his wife behind closed doors is admirable.

B) He's a rich, powerful, good looking guy. The most recognizable athlete on the planet. Take a quick look in the mirror and ask yourself how easy it would be to avoid all temptations. It may be difficult to admit but the answer is NOT easy.

C) What the fuck does cheating on your wife have to do with being amazing at golf?

We put athletes and other celebs like Tiger up on a pedestal and when they act inappropriately we get on our moral high horse and destroy their image. Tiger Woods is a professional golfer, he is not the Pope.

Another thing that bothers me is people cursing Tiger for his actions since he is a role model for so many young people. Tiger Woods should be a role model for his children and people that he has built relationships with over the course of his life. That's it. Your parents should be role models. Your older brother or sister should be role models. Grandparents, a close neighbour or friend, a coach, a teacher, Seann William Scott and Paul Rudd. Role models. A professional golfer that you have never met and really know next to nothing about? Not your role model. Someone that you can strive to be like in terms of athletic achievement? Absolutely.

I'm very interested to see how Tiger handles all of this in the future and how he performs on the course with even more attention on him. I might be cheering for him more than ever.

What do you guys think? Has the Tiger Woods saga changed your opinion of him? Feel free to comment on this issue. Just, uh, sign in and tell us what you think. Maybe we'll respond to a couple in a future post. If you could do that for us it would be great. Huge. Quickly. Bye.

Clap for the President

2009-11-24T22:21:00.006-05:00

Due to popular demand, our friend Mike Giorgi is back; and this time he's going historical on your ass. Enjoy his inquisitive look into Sunday night television and Julius Caeser, the inventor of a famous drink and fruity haircut.

Late night television on Sundays is brutal. Or so I thought.

Judging by the level of boredom I was experiencing it was probably close to 3am and I had already watched the TSN highlights at least twice all the way through. So, like any good insomniac, I went to the channel that never disappoints; Discovery. Now it is important not to take me the wrong way here. Normally, this would lead to a number of things which would include, but not be limited to, the following:

1) Hours of fun.
2) An empty bag of Ruffles All Dressed chips.
3) A lot of sweat on my face/mustache.
4) A slight increase in body fat.
5) Sock removal.

It was not to be, however, under the severe circumstances I am about to explain to you. As the “Can Screaming Break Glass?” repeat episode of Myth Busters came to a conclusion, Discovery channel revealed what was in store for me next- Ants: High Definition. Again, under normal circumstances, this would be ideal for my situation. It is the sad truth, however, that I have already seen this program at least three times and have started feeling sorry for the termites who, despite having wings, always manage to get pwn3d by the fearsome ants.

Now, ladies and gentleman, this desperate situation called for a maneuver I like to refer to as “going back to the well” and I was just hoping it wasn’t dry. The well happened to come in the form of the history channel, and what I found deep within its depths was a little gem called “Ancients Behaving Badly.”

I assure you there is absolutely no words lost on the title, apparently, as the show simply chooses a famous leader or personality from the past and then Perez Hiltons the shit out of them, ancient styles.
Why the hell not? Am I right?!

This particular episode was about the great Julius Caesar, a personal favourite, which actually made me slightly worried that the show would taint the image I have of him thus far. I was way off. At this point, if you’re not wondering where I’m actually going with this story you’re either fascinated by somewhat large words strung together into relatively cohesive sentences or you’re thinking of checking out this television series and appreciate the review.

Truth is, my point is vague and unimpressive and this should not come as a shock to any of you. I’m basically only interested in pointing out how much things have changed since the time of my beloved Julius – a conclusion I’m sure all of you could and would have made on your own.

The first story the episode examined was about Julius being captured by pirates and held for ransom. Julius warned them that if the ransom was paid and he was set free he would return and murder them all. He suggested it would be smarter to kill him (toughest guy, ever). They laughed at this pretty little Roman teenager and sent him on his way. Julius returned to Rome, raised a private army, returned to the island run by pirates, and crucified every last one of them.

Now with all the modern problems with the pirates in Somalia, let’s picture Obama sending in the Navy Seals to nail everyone suspected of piracy onto ten foot wooden crosses. There would be trouble from every possible source. The United Nations would literally shit everywhere. Protests from people of Somalian and other African nationalities would be rampant. The Republican Party would have a field day and McCain wouldn’t even need Viagra to fire up a hard-on to rail Palin. This last point, interestingly enough, leads me to the next (and for the purpose of saving you from boredom) and final story.

Julius was not unlike the Peter North of the classical Roman time period. This guy relished the opportunity to “Superman” more than his fair share of “hoes.” The main difference, however, was that unlike Peter North, Julius did not indulge in the wholesome, take-home-to-mother kind of girls of the pornographic world but instead with the wives of senators, consuls, generals and tribunes. To make things worse (or better depending on your view of this story) Caesar babe had at some point during his teenage years contracted the clap from one of his nice young companions. Not only was there no magical pill to get rid of this issue at this point in time, but the dangerous effects it can have on women when left undetected were virtually unknown and Julius was spreading it at an alarming rate to trophy wives of very important Roman men. The craziest part is the Romans knew about it, maybe not about the clap but the excessive adultery, and loved him even more for it. Are you shitting me, Romans?

Let’s flash back to 1998 shall we? Bill Clinton, who by all means was a very good president for the United States of America, becomes only the second president ever to be impeached because he let a 22 year old intern choke on it for a couple minutes. He was 53. Regardless of your point of view, we know this much; Caesar would have gave him a high five. I’m not encouraging cheating on your wife of twenty years just for a sloppy oval office gummer but, at the same time, the United States replaced him with George Bush. Figure it out, USA.

What I’m saying is that we need to learn not to sweat the small shit anymore. I’m not sure at which point this happened but I’m positive I could find a way to blame the United States. We should have more guys with funny accents getting blowjobs behind out government desks. These mistakes make them humans; it’s time to celebrate their humanity. At least we can relate to those who “lead” us. Yes, I’m also saying the next time a group of pirates hijack a French Cruise ship we should pay the ransom then follow them home and execute every last one of them. KIDDING. But seriously, pirates didn’t bother Caesar again. So if you need the conclusion spelt out for you than here it is- Next time you’re up late on a Sunday night channel surfing, stick with Ants: High Def.

All Your Base Are Belong To Becks

2009-11-19T11:41:00.004-05:00

Just realized I haven't posted in a while. I'll attribute that to a number of things....

a) Sports are at a low point this time of year. Baseball is done, all there is to say about the NFL is Brett Favre related, and the NHL and NBA are chugging along through their useless regular seasons.

b) I'm fat and lazy

c) Modern Warfare 2...which works in concert very nicely with point B.

For those who are, for lack of a better word, retarded, Modern Warfare 2 is an extremely popular video game, the latest in the Call of Duty series. I came across some stats which show just how massive this game is which has convinced me that video games are no longer nerdy or uncool. Let's just rip through some of these quickly...

Modern Warfare 2's $550 million first week sales surpassed some of largest entertainment launches of all time:

The largest reported five-day opening worldwide box office gross figures, held by Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ($394 million)

The largest reported five-day opening domestic box office gross figures, held by The Dark Knight ($203.8 million)

The largest reported five-day worldwide video game sales record, previously held by Grand Theft Auto IV (6 million units, $500 million)

Bigger than Batman and Harry Potter? Are there really that many dweebs out there?

I have a theory for this video game phenomenon, and no, it has nothing to do with obesity and kids not going outside anymore.

I was chatting with my brother, who is 35 years old, on the weekend about Modern Warfare 2 and various other video games. He isn't into the gaming as much as he used to be, but he made a very interesting point about Modern Warfare 2 and similar games.

He mentioned how when he was at the highschool/college age, he and his buddies would talk about how great it would be to be able to go online with shooting games like Modern Warfare 2 and play with/against each other, being able to communicate the entire time. This, to me, makes it all quite clear why this shit is so popular now.

Dudes who gamed 15-20 years ago can do the kinda shit now that wasn't possible back then. So they eat it up and reconnect with their childhood.

It's only going to get bigger too. Parents these days are going to be way more into it than those of my generation. My parents are like 60, they were already old when Mario started stomping Goombas.

So, what's the point, you ask? I have no idea. Video games are fun, don't hate on me.

I gotta go get a few kills online, god knows I'm not getting any in real life.

Holy Christ

2009-11-11T10:38:00.004-05:00

One more thing: Have you seen Sammy Sosa's grill!!!!

Jesus H. Christ. This is too weird....What's weirder is he seems fine with it. If this happened to me I wouldn't leave my house. I've attached the article in which he explains how this happened. You may already know that he's blaming a skin rejuvination cream that came from Europe.
I say, don't trust Europeans.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4642952

I like the Yankees, Patriots, Red Wings and Lakers

2009-11-11T10:13:00.002-05:00

Oh hey! Didn't see you there...
It's time for Nabber's latest post. I've been slacking I know. There's just so much more important things to do. I won't touch on it yet, but I've got a major announcement to make. Let's save that for the next post. See what I just did there? That's called a "tease."

As for this column, I'm going to talk about annoying sports fans. Everyone can relate to that. In fact, it seems that's all we do here is rip into others. But it's fun! And done from the safety of my living room while hiding behind my laptop and keyboard.

Anyway, I work in a sports environment and many times get to listen to who's fantasy team is doing what and also which team it is they support. I find it strange that with so many locals working there, not everyone supports their local sports franchise. Call me old-fashioned, but I think that's the way it should be (Okay, I know we've talked about this).

Yet everytime I turn my head I hear, "Oh, my Pats are killing it today", or "How bout them Wings?" Other quips include, "Can't stop Kobe!" and Get ready for another Yankees dynasty!"

It's ridiculous. And of course this isn't just happening in my workplace. It's everywhere. I've got a few theories about why some people like these teams.
1) They're fucking sickening bandwagon jumpers.
2) They actually like these teams for a real good reason (ex. Their Dad followed them when he was a kid, etc.)

The real issue I have with these people is how proud they are of these teams they support, even though it's possible that they a) cannot even watch their favorite teams because the team is not in their market and b) they've never attended one of their favorite teams games. These people are out there, don't kid yourself. I know we now live in an age when you can watch anything and everything, but what did these people do before that? Follow their teams by reading the box scores?

I personally have a sick fascination with comically mediocre teams (Black Jays, Bills, Leafs) I'm almost proud of it because it really tests my loyalty.
But I can always know that I have been with these teams for legit reasons, not just because they were good or won championships.

Wait, you're not from Buffalo! What gives buddy?
True, when I started watching football, the Bills were in their heyday, but the first time I watched them, they were trailing by about 30 points in the Superbowl. I went for the underdog. (Why am I such a loser? If I like losing teams, does that me a loser? Hmm...)

In closing, you all know the people I'm talking about. Maybe you're one of them. If you are, you can't be helped. If you're not one of these people, then you know exactly what I'm saying. So go ahead, like you're Lakers, Red Wings, Yankees/Red Sox, Patriots. But just remember, when those teams hit a dry spell, or cease to be competitve for a time, who will you cheer for then?

No PDA In The Bigs

2009-10-22T16:40:00.003-04:00

The Phillies clinched the NLCS last night with a 10-4 win over LA and Brett Myers is still getting no love from his wife. Hopefully he doesn't smack her around for this move like he did a few years back....

Brett Myers Denied

A Slippery Myth

2009-10-19T01:05:00.008-04:00

We here at 3 dusters are often too lazy to write anything worth reading so today we are welcoming a guest entry which we think fits in beautifully with what we're all about here on this esteemed blog. This fine tale comes from fellow duster, Mike Giorgi. Enjoy.

There are many quotations in the western culture that usually go undisputed and unquestioned by the majority of the population. Today I dare to question one pertaining particularly to the sports world, the world of criminal activity, and sometimes those who get caught in the "grey" area in between (not pointing fingers, NFL). This quotation would be the age old warning “don’t drop the soap” when entering the showering facilities.

I, like many of you, have always taken this warning as bible. Yet the oddest thing happened in the YMCA shower today. I know what you all are thinking, “what were you doing at the gym?” I would like to tell you that I did some sort of structured workout that my health will actually benefit from but the truth is I did approximately 3 sets of flat bench, threw in a set of incline and rode the bike next to a girl who will be known as P.F.G (Perfect Face Girl), since she is much too hot to talk to in order to find out her real name, until I finished my bottled water.

Without venturing too far off topic I will resume my story about the events that occurred in the shower. After my “workout” I grabbed my bottle of head and shoulders (give me a break the gym ‘poo is shit), wrapped a towel around myself and entered the showers. The usual suspects were taking part in their cleansing rituals. There was a man of Asian descent wearing a swimming cap, a burly man who (by the looks of the permanent tan from his wife beater) had been in construction for twenty plus years, and a cheerful elder man with a slight hunch and, from his quick nod and “hello”, had an English accent. I took a shower in between the Brit and the Asian man and proceeded to wet and lather. It was time for the shampoo. I popped the blue top off and turned the bottle upside down.

That’s when it happened.

I squeezed the bottle and the soap residue on my hands caused the bottle to slip out of them, across the floor and in between the Asian and the hardy construction worker. Neither of them moved to aid me in its recovery (jerks) so I mustered the courage and pursued my lost treasure. I admit, had I thought of it at the time, I would have just bent my knees (even though now that I picture it a guy squatting in the showers is more awkward than what actually happened). I closed my eyes, bent over, and recaptured the lost bottle.

Nothing happened.

Half shocked and half disappointed I returned my selected showerhead. Then it hit me. The shower is probably the safest place to expose one’s bunghole to the open air. For those of you who have had sex with a female in the shower you know that water is a terrible lubricant. Being wet from the shower would almost form some sort of Star Wars-worthy force field around the area of concern. At the same time, however, you (and more importantly your waist) would be much too slippery a target to grab onto. Finally, being the shooter in an unwanted game of bum darts HAS to be somewhat embarrassing in front of so many witnesses and probably dangerous around authority figures such as prison guards. We should have learned from The Shawshank Redemption that somewhere dry and subtle, like a janitor’s closet, is a much more dangerous place to drop something naked around sexual deprived or homosexual individuals. Sometime, long ago, the actual quote must have been along the lines of “don’t drop your knife when seven dudes are trying to do you.” Broken telephone isn’t such a fun game now, is it?

Outside the shower lay the dangers of wet towel fights and credit card scenarios (although I admit these have occurred in the shower as well). So I say – drop the soap. Kick it around a few times. Pass it to a buddy. Enjoy it. Don’t spend the extra eighteen cents on a rope (a hundred of which costs you a bottle of Brava). My only fear is that there are far too many of these quotes in the English language that will forever limit our fun times without any real threat to us- like dropping the soap during shower time.

Weekly Poll Results

2009-10-18T20:19:00.003-04:00

Saw this one coming; Yonny Burger takes the cake with 7 votes, nobody else really came close. Honorable mention to Wendiles (2 votes) and their delicious grand slam burger (it's not on the menu, but ask for one and I guarantee you will not be disappointed...or skinny). I am a little surprised to see the lack of love for Harvinolds, but not as surprised as the fact that E and Sloan are getting married (spoiler alert) oh shit, those are supposed to go before the spoiler...oh well, if you haven't watched the season finale of entourage yet you're a true duster. Tbo, just admit it was a good episode, happy endings make everyone feel warm and fuzzy inside, and lisztomania by Phoenix playing in the background was definitely legit.

Speaking of entourage, I think I will make this week’s poll about it. It has been confirmed that they will air a 7th season sometime in the summer of 2010. I am interested to see what many of you think about this (once?) excellent show.

On a completely separate note, a couple of beauties I know stumbled upon a real gem of a burger joint on the weekend, and I mean this literally as they were hammered drunk Saturday night and looking for a feed after leaving the Tap. The spot is Nick’s Grill in Downtown Whitby and apparently it’s open until 3am on Fridays and Saturdays. I had it the other day for lunch and boy was it a treat. I am in no way affiliated with this establishment; I just know all of you out there are dying to find out what I eat to maintain this Greek Adonis like body, Enjoy!

Leafs Nation = Disaster Zone

2009-10-14T15:07:00.008-04:00

The NHL season is underway and nothing is new in Toronto, the lowly Leafs are off to one of the worsts starts in their storied history, managing only 1 point throughout their first 6 games. I know it is early in the season but the embarassing 4-1 loss to the avalanche last night, who owned the NHL's third worst record last season, could be only a sign of things to come. The Avalanche have been playing well so far this year behind the stellar goaltending of longtime back-up Craig Anderson and an offence lead by two 18 year old rookies in Matt Duchene and Ryan O'Reilly, still no excuse for getting pounded 4-1.

So what is wrong with the Leafs this year? No scoring punch? Too many stupid penalties? Horrible Goaltending? All of this seems to be true early in the season. The leading scorer was banished to the press box last night and Vesa Toskala is a joke, the hockey equivelant of Josh Towers, remember him? The leafs big signings included Francois Beauchemin, who played in the shadows of two future Hall of Famers in Anaheim, and is now the owner a -5 +/- rating, they also signed Komisarek, Exelby, and Orr for some toughness, so far their fights have lead to minimal success in the win department, and finally; the Monster, the guy had some sort of heart attack when riding the stationary bike....good signing fellas.

I am guilty of buying into Burke's crap throughout the offseason and pre-season about the leafs being a much better team and I wish i could honestly say that things will turn around in the near future but I just don't see it happening. The Leafs have what seems to be a proven scorer in Phil Kessel on the IR, but they also paid a high price to get him. If the Leafs continue to play they way they have and Kessel doesn't light it up once he returns than that deal only looks even better for Boston come draft time.

As a Leaf fan I hope that the team FIO's and starts playing better hockey because as of right now it's not even worth watching, especially if I have to look at Burkes yuge melon and Wilson's Bill Gates haircut throughout the game.

Herbie Verstank....I mean... Herb Brooks lives on.

2009-10-09T19:38:00.005-04:00

I recently came across one of the funniest videos i've seen on youtube in quite some time. Check out this 4 year old kid re-enact Herb Brooks' pre-game speech from the movie "Miracle". The kid does a pretty bang up job, only thing he's missing is those sweet pants on Kurt.

4 year old's version

Movie Version (with Snake Pilsson!)

Poll Results

2009-10-07T16:21:00.005-04:00

The poll results are in and 9 of you believe that the Make Ya Laughs (I made that up) will make the playoffs but will have an early exit this year, 4 people think they will just miss the playoffs and 1 Habs fan has them as cellar dwellers. They certainly have not done anything thus far to make anybody believe they are an improved team, I mean could Beauchemin have looked any worse the first few games? I still think they will push for a playoff spot this season, especially when Phil "One Nut Wonder" Kessel joins the lineup.

Thanks for voting and remember what we say here at 3dusters; If you're not reading the blog, you're a closet homosexual!

Black Jays Fiasco

2009-10-06T09:05:00.005-04:00

Hello again.
And btw Teebs, Everett walking is old news. Let's get with the program. I was at the game when he walked on the field and gave a speech. Very touching...

Anyway, everyone has heard the news. The players are unhappy with Cito. JP has been fired.
I'd like to touch on those two subjects.
First, the players don't like Cito? That's a joke.
If indeed that story is true.
I'm going to assume it's all true before I get going...

Ready? Okay.

I understand not liking or not getting along with a manager. That happens.
And I'm not in the clubhouse, but how do you not respect a manager with the pedigree of Cito Gaston? Even if you disagree with what he might be telling you, don't you think it would be a good idea to listen? *Cough* Vernon Wells, Alex Rios (who?)...
Don't get me wrong here, I'm not out to bash those two guys. I'm here to bash any player that has the gall to question Cito's managerial tactics.
You've heard it here before; We all love Cito here at 3 Dusters.
But we're not the only ones. Numerous former players seem to like him as well.
I didn't hear any complaints after the Jays compiled a 78-51 combined record in his first 129 games back as skipper.
As for players complaining about playing time, presumable Lyle Overbay...
Hey Lyle, have you looked at your stats? You hit .190 with 1 HR vs. lefties this year.
Shut up.
The only guy who for sure wasn't pissed with Cito was Lind. The two of them were always seen i the dugout conversing. Hmm...weird. Lind has a fucking monster year.
In closing, the Jays have but a few what I like to call "winning players".

1. Adam Lind
2. Roy Halladay
3. Aaron Hill
4. Marco Scutaro

They also had Scott Rolen, who was the tits this year.
Scutaro will be gone, and Roy may be gone as well.
Travis Snider is also a gem

If possible, management should gas every player who isn't a star player (Roy, Lind, Hill) that Johnny Mac, Rod Barajas, can't get rid of Wells, bye Lyle, Scotty Downs (apparently the pitchers were also very pissed with the manager), good riddance Brian Tallet, Shawn Camp should find the number of the Nationals GM, Joe Inglett? Bye!, See ya Millar - go get a job on TV somewhere. What a bunch of stiffs.

I'd also like to touch on the report that the coaches were divided - Cito's guys; Nick Leyva, Gene Tenace and Dwayne Murphy - and the leftovers from Gibbons; Brad Arnsberg, Brian Butterfield, and Bruce Walton.
Again, what have the latter three coaches ever done? Have some respect.
I hate to keep saying it, but Cito and his coaches know how to win. They've won as coaches and it Tenace's case, won as players as well. No respect shown at all it seems.
I've also heard that some former players have spoken up in support of the current Jays manager.

Great start, terrible finish and a bush league play to hang it on the greatest manager in franchise history. Hey Ceets, show em' your back to back World Series rings!

Kevin Everett's Incredible Recovery

2009-09-30T14:30:00.004-04:00

This is actually old news but I figured I would share this inspiring video with our readers. I know Nabber is a hardcore Buffalo Bills fanatic so this should especially pull at his heartstrings.

Early on in last year's NFL season, Buffalo Bills player Kevin Everett suffered an injury (fractured spine) that doctors said could be life threatening, and that he would likely not be able to walk again. Amazingly, Everett walked again only a few months later and is on the road to a full recovery.

Click the link below to watch a very short video.

Kevin Everett Moves Arms and Legs for the First Time

Another Day in the Life

2009-09-30T13:26:00.007-04:00

Hello Blogosphere Plugs,

Now that I am done working for the summer and back for my last semester of University the production level of an average day has really dropped off, to say the least. I am currently enrolled in my final semester at the esteemed and historical UOIT. I am taking 2 courses (in the process of dropping one of the two, effectively cutting my workload in half!) and am also working part-time at the local sports facility, a job that can be summed up in two words: rink rat. I also put a few hours in at the Campus Gym, which is rather ironic because the the gym is one place I have avoided like the plague the past few months. My days are long and lazy, so please enjoy this example of a regular day in the life of I, Mathew Goodwin.

10:30 am - Wake up to the sound of my TV that I left on from the night before, look at my phone and realize it's only fucking 10:30! promptly fall back to sleep.

12:30 pm - Wake up for real.

12:40 pm - Get my ass outta bed, forego a shower and head to the kitchen for 2 or 3oversized bowls of cereal, watch sportscentre 2 or 3 times.

1:45 pm - Realize I have an assignment due tomorrow morning, decide to put it off until tonight.

2:30 pm - Play Rockband, my band needs more fans and I almost got through Painkiller on expert drums yesterday, better get practicing.

3:30 pm - All that drumming has made me hungyyy, proceed to make myself a pot of KD Sprials, eat the entire box right out of the pot, delicious!

4:00 pm - poop

4:30 pm - still pooping

5:00 pm - I remember I have an assignment due tomorrow morning, oh well, maybe I'll watch some TV. Alright! The Bird is the Word Family Guy episode!

7:30 pm - Wake up, must've fallen asleep for a bit on the couch.

8:00 pm - Don't go to the gym

9:00 pm - Starting to get hungry again, Call up Tbo and see if he's down for a Stuffed Crust Za or perhaps some Arby's or Wendiles.

9:02 pm - He is down.

9:30 pm - Fat.

10:00 pm - Back to the television, what's on....It's Tuesday, the new Hills is on, yes! I mean.....Isn't there any UFC on??

11:30 pm - Well, I should really get to that assignment soon, Fuck it, I'll peruse Facebook and do a few quizzes on sporcle.com and wake up at 7:00 am tomorrow and finish it.

7:00 am the next day - zzzzzz....

Waaaay Too Many Passwords

2009-09-30T12:57:00.007-04:00

I'm so glad Teebs notified me last night that he had written something for this page.

I forgot it existed. And because I forgot it existed, I forgot my password - one of 957 that I have for various websites. Can this problem be solved?
I signed up for a monster account and was actually told by my computer, when entering my desired password, that it wasn't "strong" enough.
Excuse me? Hey computer, I give the god damn orders alright? You do what I tell you...

Anyway, it's good to be back, like Teebs said. Many things have transpired over the summer, none of which any of us will ever get to. So let's just pretend those things never happened.
(I'm thinking of you Toronto Blue Jays)

I also want to run away from the absurd predictions I made months ago...
Something caught my eye in Major League Baseball today however, and I would like to share. (Notice how I didn't say "The MLB". People that say "The MLB" should be sent back to Grade 1. It's not The Major League Baseball. It is Major League Baseball. Let's not confuse it with the four other majors: NFL, NHL and NBA. It makes sense the throw the word "the" in front of those organizations. Canadian television personalities and Rogers Sportsnet are always making this comical foible.)
Today, the Cleveland Indians announces they have fired manager Eric Wedge with a more six games to play in 2009. How ridiculous. Teams do this a lot, but I don't really understand why. The Indians couldn't stomach firing Wedge when they were 40-60 in July?
The Jays did that to Cito back in 1997. They fired him with five games left.
I guess I didn't have a whole lot to say about that, just that it wrankles me.

Teebs is right. Now that summer is over and there is much less do to, I will be on more regularly. I'm thinking a weekly segment with yours truly.

Go get em' Goody.

Black Jays Forever

2009-09-29T20:47:00.005-04:00

We’re back. Well, at least I’m back. I have no idea whether or not the other 2 esteemed authors on this page intend on reuniting. Anyhow, 3 or 4 fans of this URL recently commented on the lack of new material over the summer.

After realizing that other people actually read this shit I felt compelled to make a comeback……..and what better way to start it off by talking about the Toronto Blue Jays, the team of destiny, off to a great start, sure to be fighting for a playoff spot in September….
Fuck…. what were we thinking? How could I ever believe that Black Jays would be Blue for the first time since 1993? Why do I still take pleasure in the fact that they are dummying the Red Sox at this very moment? They’re a joke!

It’s funny to read Nabber’s post from June 18th below. How things have changed. Although I did not share his optimism at that point, nor his prediction that the Black Jays would be playoff bound, I agreed with the majority of his points.

I have no idea if what I’m about to say is accurate because I have done zero research, but I’ll throw it out there. The Jays’ collapse this year has to be one of the more underrated in recent memory in Major League Baseball. If the Yankees or Red Sox started 27-14 and held the AL East lead in mid-May only to shit the bed and finish well below .500 it would be HUGE. Would Joe Girardi still have a job? I doubt it. Would A-rod still be alive? Questionable.

While this season was a complete waste in terms of team results, there were definitely a few positives to take away from the campaign.

1) Aaron Hill had a monster year. He should definitely finish top 10 in MVP voting. He just hit his 36th bomb of the year and potentially could hit 40 the way he’s been hitting lately. Arguably, he is the best 2B in the league. Fuck you Pedroia, you’re a rat.

2) Adam Lind finally broke out and put up big numbers. We’ve been hearing for years how good of a hitter he will turn out to be and it was great to see him live up to the potential this year.

3) J.P. Ricciardi comes through with his all-time best move as the General Manager of the Toronto Blue Jays by releasing Alex Rios. Rios is and always has been an overrated piece of shit. Now Chicago White Sox fans can waste their time waiting for that clown to be an MVP candidate. Not gonna happen.

There are other positives but I don’t give a shit. They’re 73-84, who cares.

It’s good to be back on the blogosphere, I’m going to attempt to toss something on here fairly often as I do pretty much nothing at all otherwise.

Check ya later,
Tbo

Did We Mention That Cito Is The Man?

2009-06-18T19:37:00.007-04:00

Hey there!

About two years ago, I mentioned that I would be writing about how I thought the Jays would still make the playoffs, even after that horrendous nine game losing streak. (By the way, I think there should be a new name for that, 'streak' sounds like too much of a good thing)

Since the Jays started out at 27-14, they've gone 10-17. Not good.

But since the nine game funk (that's better), they've gone 10-8.

Okay, not bad.

But now Roy and Downs are out, and this club is relying heavily (again) on young starting pitching, always a sticky situation.

There are, let me see, five reasons why I think the 2009 Toronto Blue (always so very close to Black) Jays will indeed make the playoffs, althought it will probably be as the wild card entrant.

1. Cito Cito Cito... I know, too much credit can't be doled out to this man. He doesn't even play, right? Still, he (and the coaching staff) elevates the play of this roster. You know it's true.

2. Marco Scutaro, Scott Rolen and Adam Lind...If there were 3 of each of these guys composing the starting 9, they'd min a shit load more games. Each hussles, each works the count, and each is what you could call 'heady' players. Rios and Wells should watch those three guys' approach at the plate.3. Roy...He'll be back, and when he does, he'll win 10 more games and help solidify a surprisingly strong and sturdy starting staff (see what I did there?)

4. There is more parity...No one in the Central is winning the wild card, and it might not come out of the west either once Texas fades. That leaves Toronto, Tampa and the Yankees. I still don't think the Yankees are as good as they've sometimes played, and I just don't like the Rays ok? So there.

5. It's been 16 god damn years...Can't the Jays just be that team that surprises everyone? For once? It's been everyone to the Rockies to the Marlins to the Rays over the years. It's time.

By the way, for those of you wondering what Cito's record is since taking over again last season, here it is:

87-68 (.561)

Alexisonfire

2009-06-08T21:40:00.002-04:00

Alex Rios has had a tough go of it lately; he is the proud owner of a .174 batting average in the month of June, on pace for another underwhelming year both at the plate and in the field, and recently got in an argument with a dude outside of a charity event in Toronto after refusing to sign an autograph for a young fan. As the Blue Jays continue to plug away and stay close to the big boys of the American League East many players are enjoying successful years at the plate thus far. Aaron Hill has re-established himself as one of the leagues brightest young second baseman, Marco Scutaro has proven he belongs to be in the starting line-up every day, and Adam Lind continues to improve each game. Alex Rios seems to be an exception, an outlier, on this over-achieving squad.

Those of you who didn’t hear about Alexis’ spat with a fan after a charity event in Toronto last week can watch the video here. This video upsets me ....sure Rios acted like a douche, but I am torn between my love for the lanky bastard and his actions in the amateur video.

There are some obvious things wrong with this video, the first being the fact that Rios refused to sign an autograph for a young fan, I think this is pretty lame on his behalf. Toronto is far from a baseball Mecca and I am pretty confident Alex can parade around town without being hoarded by hundreds of eager fans looking for his Herbie Hancock. Just because you had a rough night at the plate the previous game (0-5, 5 K’s) gives you no right to snub a young, impressionable fan.

The second part of this video that I didn’t like, and reflects poorly on him is the fact that he dropped the fuck bomb about 5 or 6 times in a crowd of onlookers. I’m no prude, but yelling out who gives a fuck! Followed by a fuck you! And a fuckin’ idiot! whilst surrounded by young fans and people holding cell phones is not cool, gotta keep that shit profesh, Alexis.

The third part that bugged me was pretty much summed up by the fan who told Rios that he is lucky anyone even wants his autograph the way he’s been playing lately. It’s a great chirp, and also true. You can argue that Vernon Wells has been a bigger disappointment so far this year, yet I still think that he is much more valuable to the Jays than Mr. Rios. Vernon seems to be a leader in the clubhouse, a hard worker, a good teammate and former gold glove winner, Rios on the other hand seems to be a guy full of talent and potential whose biggest accomplishment is finishing second in the 2007 home run derby.

I have gone on long enough about how Alex Rios acted like a duster in that short you tube video; I guess it’s only fair to explain why I still like him...a little bit anyways. The guy; according to every teammate and coach in the Blue Jays organization, has a stupid amount of god-given talent and athletic ability, and he finished second in the freaking home run derby....like fuck, figure it out Alex! There is no denying Alex Rios is a good baseball player; I just wanna see him become great. He is currently signed to a decent contract that will see him make $64 million over 6 years so I guess I have no choice but to believe Rios can hit his potential and help lead the jays to prominence in the American League in future years, I just hope he doesn’t act like such a douche along the way...but even if he does, who gives a fuck!!

Top 5 Fattest (Greatest) Things You Can Toss Into Your Gut

2009-06-01T20:30:00.006-04:00

So myself and some pals attended a Blue Jays game this weekend and decided it would be a great idea to get the All-You-Can-Eat tickets. I was somewhat skeptical on the availability of food and the frequency at which we would be able to crush hot dogs and nachos. For instance, would I be able to grab as much chow as I pleased at any time? Or would I be limited to grabbing 2 dogs and a pop per inning or something gay like that. I was not disappointed. It was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. Goody already touched on his gluttony...and may I say that is a very impressive amount of nacho dishes. Let's just say I ate as many dogs as there are innings in a baseball game, and we combined to lay waste to somewhere in the realm of 25-30 chiens as a group. Too good.

As a result, I've been inspired to share with you what I believe to be the 5 most outstanding foods that are also guaranteed to be in the top 5 list of foods that most certainly will increase the risk of heart disease. I'm going to limit this to foods that I have actually consumed...I've heard of burgers that have a fuckin Krispy Kreme donut serving as the bun, and although that is surely the fattest and most fantastic thing I've ever heard of, unfortunately I have not experienced it. Here we goooo...

#5: Taquitos from 7 Eleven - To be honest, I don't even know what the hell these things are made of, but they are so tastyyy. If you have never had one of these you are missing out. Such a treat.

#4: Big Mac - So classic. The fact that there is such a thing as a Double Big Mac is really just a slap in the face to me. Just make me fatter, thanks a lot. If I love Big Macs, why would I NOT get a Double Big Mac? Fuck you Ronald.

#3: McGriddles - These are just so retarded. Bacon or sausage with egg and cheese inside what can best be described as 2 mini pancakes. They are about the size of your fist and you might as well not eat for the rest of the day if you have one. I'll have 2 please.

#2: Stuffed Crust Pizza from Pizza Hut - I could have just said pizza and left it at that, but this za is just so extra good and fat. Just when you thought there was no more room for more cheese on the wheel, they toss it in the crust. Bonus.

#1: Poutine from pretty much anywhere - I'm placing this at number 1 right now but this list is really completely interchangeable from day to day. I loves me some poutine though. Shout out to my buddy Orty up in Ottawa for introducing me to the Elgin Street Diner's poutine. They top off your fries, gravy and cheese with chopped up meat. Stupid good.

All Killer No Filler

2009-05-31T23:19:00.003-04:00

A friend of mine who will remain unnamed recently told me about a hilarious video on youtube of Florida Panthers radio personality Randy Moller calling goals. He does so with much enthusiasm and some great references to movies, TV shows, and music of all genres. Come with me if you want to live......

Check out part one here and part two here.

Thanks Mike Mckenzie.....fuck.

(Inter) Pol Results

2009-05-31T22:45:00.003-04:00

Well the voting on the poll last week was pretty lame, only 5 people decided to weigh in and all 5 predicted a Pens - Wings Final for Lord Stans Mug, looks like all 5 of you were correct and are in the midst of enjoying a 2008 Cup final repeat.

I am now going to make a conscious effort to post at least once a week, usually on weekends. The 3 Dusters have been living up to their billing the last month or so, being a real trio of Dusty McCranks. We will now try our best to bring you 250 or so words of joy every week so your boring, mundane, useless and overall pathetic lives may be a little more bearable, because who wouldn't want to live vicariously through a guy who just ate 4 hot dogs, 3 helpings of nachos and cheese, a box of popcorn, bag of peanuts, 4 cokes and a large vanilla/chocolate swirl cone at the jays game today?

The Stanley Cup Finals (Finally). Oh and Predictions

2009-05-28T12:56:00.005-04:00

It's been a long NHL season. Too long in fact. And now it's down to the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Detroit Red Wings.
This series will take about a month to finish if it goes to seven games because of multiple days off between games six and seven.
But after that, the writers of this blog (well two of them at least), can focus their entire attention on the Major Leagues of Beisbol.
Now, I've heard some grumbling from Teebs that I screwed him on some points for our predictions thing we've been doing.
Let me say this, that was not my intention. I apologize. But in case you forgot, we're awarding 3 points for a series with the correctly picked winner and number of games. We're also handing out 2 points for the correct winner of a series, even if you didn't pick the correct number of games.
So, having explained all that, here are the standings through three rounds of The 3 Dusters Playoff Predictions:

Goody: 28 Pts

Teebs: 23 Pts

Nabber: 13 Pts

Just brutal on my end, but sometimes that happens when you go against the grain and make bold, gutsy picks. I'm right on some of those earlier picks, and I look like a genius.
Anyway...

Penguins over Red Wings in 7

I'm out for now, but look for my next post, which will explain why I think despite the losing streak (which is 9 and counting) the Blue Jays...excuse me, Black Jays...can still make the playoffs.
Out.

Teebs here, I'm having a really tough time with this series. One day I like the Pens, the next I'm with the Wings. Today, I'm wingin' it.

Red Wings over Penguins in 7

I'm comin in late on this one fellas, I've been slackin' bigtime, with my long days working for the town and intense workouts (by intense workouts I mean liftin a couple weights and running 6 laps of the 200m track at the gym). My prediction from the get go was going to be Pens over Wings in 7, although I just watched Fleury let in a softy to make it 3-1 in the 3rd for the Wings in game 2.....

I'll stick to my guns and go Pens in 7. - Goody

Black Jays

2009-05-27T21:47:00.005-04:00

Just like their black uniforms, the Toronto Blue (Black) Jays have arrived in the dark ages. I came home from work today to check the scores in the MLB, hoping to see my beloved Blue Jays snap their losing streak of 8 games...holy fuck...I still haven't seen a single highlight of the game that took place against the Orioles today but the boxscore was enough for me. What the hell is going on with this team?

All week its been about not cashing runners in scoring position. Well, that wasn't a problem today. When you hang 10 runs on the opposition, it's tough not to win the ballgame. But, when your bullpen implodes and gives up 9 earned, you shouldn't win any game.

Nabber and I talked about this 9 game skid for a while today and we agreed that no true contending team loses 9 in a row....it just doesn't happen. It pretty much can't happen if you're thinking playoffs.

A few things I'd like to see which I think could turn the tide with this team.

1) Shorten the leash on the pitching staff a bit, especially the starters. Cito is famous for leaving guys in way too long, hoping to boost their confidence by allowing them to work their way out of their own jams. Sometimes it's a little much. Cecil gets left in about 5 hitters too long against the Red Sox and gives up 4 bombs in an inning. That's brutal. Oh ya... what's with all the Casey Janssen butt-licking? I keep hearing how he's really going to give the rotation a huge boost now that he's back. Uh, I guess. He did have a couple great starts 3 fucking years ago.

2) Get Wells out of the 4 hole. I love Vernon, but he's not a 4 hitter. The problem is I don't know where to put him, I recall him having some success as a leadoff hitter, but Scutaro is doing the job. Maybe swap Rios and Wells with Lind and Rolen. Ideally, trade for a power hitter to stick in the clean up spot and put Wells at 3 in the order. If you don't like that idea, well, suck it, then you can go check out Wells' numbers when he was hitting in front of Delgado in '03 and Glaus in '06.

3) I don't really have a third suggestion, I haven't really even given this much thought. However, one thing I'd really love to see is an off the field issue. The fans and media need to stop pointing the finger at management when things go bad, and also when things go well. It's the players who account for about 99.9% of the outcome, win or lose, 100% of the time. No more praising Cito for being the best manager of all time. I feel like Cito is still somehow winning ballgames for the Jays even though they've lost a million in a row now. Give Ricciardi a break too. I'm pretty sure people were talking about how he's really built this team from the bottom up, got away from trying to spend to get a winning club and that its all starting to pay off. Now they're losing and people want him outta here. Great.

Got tickets last night for the game on Sunday against the BoSox...Let's not make it 12 L's in a row...maybe I'll bring a brown paper bag. Go Jays!

ESPN2 Karate

2009-05-26T18:43:00.005-04:00

Two Fridays ago, I was in a Buffalo hotel room waiting for my girlfriend Andrea to get back from school. She has class on Friday night and Saturday morning so I occasionally go up with her.

On this particular evening, I was delighted by what I find whilst flipping channels.

If you've ever seen those cheerleading competitions or bodybuilding things on TSN, you'll know what I'm talking about.

What I witnessed was completely ridiculous.

It was an event that featured all age groups.

It was karate.

But not a mano a mano or girl on girl action type of thing.

The athletes(?) were on stage all alone practising their karate moves.

I'll let you get a mental image of that right now...
Got it? okay.

The best part of this was that there were 8-year olds all the way up to people in their 30's. And all doing the same thing, too.

They're kicking the air, punching nothing, and screaming all the while.

Now, while I was a few beers deep at this point, I thought it was funny enough to make a mental note of. It could be a blog post!

It could be the first post in about 3.5 months too!

Now, let's get back to the program here...One of the other things I noticed is how serious the commentators and the "fans", or audience was.

How is the audience not cracking up at this spectacle?

I wish I had my computer when I was watching this so I could have done a rundown of what was happening, but at one point one announcer praised little 11-year old Johnny's scorpion kick.
I'm serious.

The last thought I had on all of this was that if I were participating, I would not want this to be televised.

NHL Playoff Predictions - Round 3

2009-05-17T15:13:00.011-04:00

Here are the standings after the 2nd round of the playoffs
(I am strug-a-lingggg)

Goody: 24 pts

Teebs: 19 pts

Nabber: 11 pts

Once again I'm taking the initiative to get things started before the games actually begin. Personally, I think Goody and Teebs should be disqualified for making their picks late.

Anyway, here we go with my 3rd round NHL Playoff Predictions.

Penguins over Hurricanes in 7

Blackhawks over Red Wings in 7

Teebs here...Nabber continues to screw me after each round on the points for some reason. Apparently I get 3 points for picking the penguins in 7 (3 points) and the Red Wings (2 points). Great math. I'll personally edit the standings yet again andddd here are my picks...

Pens over Canes in 7

Red Wings over Blackhawks in 6

Goody's Picks

Pens over Canes in 7

Red Wings over Blackhawks in 7

Reality Check

2009-05-12T19:35:00.006-04:00

Hello old friends, all 4 of you loyal followers may have noticed my absence from the blogosphere for the last week or so but alas, I am back. I wish I had some great excuse as to why I haven’t titillated your minds for sometime, but I don’t. I recently started my summer job working for the Town of Whitby, as far as summer jobs go it’s pretty ideal, the yard where we meet in the morning is 5 minutes from my house and I work 7:30-4:00 Mon-Fri, so there is no travel and the days aren’t particularly long (although my Grandpa seems to insist on telling me an 8 hour day is only a “half day”, Maybe days were longer in the 50’s and 60’s?) .

The job is great, it requires minimal physical labour and a Tim Horton’s is rarely void of TOW trucks at any point of the day. So let’s look at this again; minimal physical activity, home by 4:05, long breaks, and the fact that there are about 25 summer students in the parks department that one can socialize with throughout the summer...you would think I would be very happy and have nothing to complain about? Well it is half true, the job is amazing, however, I have realized how little I am ready to join the real world.

I recently finished my 4th year of University and was looking forward to working all summer and making some good coin (did I mention the pay is great too?). I had myself convinced working would be great and much better than being in school...I was wrong. You know what’s better than long breaks and good pay? Sleeping in to 1:30 and going to get Johnny Burger with a poutine for lunch, followed by skipping class and a night of beer and double rum n cokes at the bar...then of course sleeping in to 1:30 yet again.

I don’t know how people do this every day for the rest of their lives, many working longer hours with further commutes than me, it seems almost unfeasible. I curse the sound of my alarm at 7:00am every morning, and do everything short of a rain dance in hopes of a downpour that will end my day early, I try and make it to the gym after work but some days I can’t help but sit my ass on the couch, and my bedtime has gone from somewhere around 3 or 4 in the morning to 10:30pm. I know that like it or not my time will come to join the monotonous world of commutes, shirts and ties, laptops, and a nasty case of carpal tunnel syndrome, but until that day I will continue to despise working and complain to anyone who is willing to listen.

(Near) Perfection

2009-05-08T12:05:00.006-04:00

Recently, one of our few loyal followers suggested that we all tell everyone about our greatest sports moment. Teebs touched on his a little while ago. As DC Lords, Jon and I used to laugh about never knowing or hearing what my at-bat music was.

He said that because I hit after him, he never noticed it because either he was too pumped because he got a hit, or too pissed off because he made an out.

But enough nostalgia...Oh. Wait, I'm about to tell you about my greatest sports moment.

(never mind)

The date was July 13, 2000. I know that because I'm looking at the baseball.

I was 17 years old, and still mainly a starting pitcher. When I look back on it, 17 should have been just the beginning. I had been pitching for about seven or eight years, but I still had a lot of years left, right?

Wrong.

Just two years later, I felt something in my shoulder, and I was basically done. Now, I wasn't going anywhere special. Let's make that clear right now, but I thought I would pitch in senior baseball somewhere down the line.

Anyway, on that July afternoon in the year 2000 (before the humans are dead) I was pitching for the Port Hope Ontarios. I believe that was midget age. Port Hope also had a minor midget team, which was rare. And today we were playing those guys.

They were guys we all knew, and basically were just a year younger than I was.

The game wasn't close. I don't remember how we scored the runs, but we got 14 of them.

Around the third or fourth inning I suddenly realized I had a no-hitter going.

As a pitcher, you always know you have one going , but it might take you until you get around to the top of the order to really realize it.

"Hey! hmm, I've got a no-no going here."

To be honest, I don't remember the last out, but I remember that I walked only one guy.

Shouldn't have walked him, either. Damn.

If you're still wondering, yes, I did in fact throw a no-hitter.

And it was a fantastic feeling.

One walk and six strikeouts in total. And a 14-0 win.

Thanks for comin' out minor midgets.

Weekly Poll Results

2009-05-07T19:07:00.002-04:00

This blog is fuckin hurrrrrrrrrtinggg. Figured I'd come on and drop the results of our weekly worthless poll. Beer won by about as much as the Blue Jays won over the Halos last night. Therefore, everyone should drink beer and watch the Jays as much as possible from now on.

Playoff Predictions - Round 2

2009-04-30T13:02:00.012-04:00

I know everyone can't wait to see what my most memorable sports moment is, but first thing's first. Round 2 playoff predictions...

Goody, Teebs and I put our heads together and came up with an incredible point system to determine the ultimate playoff prediction champion.

Here's how it works: 2 points for getting the correct team winning the series, and 1 point for getting the amount of games right.

So, when we tally the scores after the first round, here's how it shapes out. (Congrats to Goody for picking the correct winner in every series.)

Goody: 18 pts

Teebs: 14 pts

Nabber: 9 pts

And now, here are my 2nd Round Predictions:

Hurricanes over Bruins in 6

Capitals over Penguins in 7

Ducks over Red Wings in 7

Canucks over Blackhawks in 6

Teebs Picks

Bruins over Canes in 6

Pens over Caps in 7

Wings over Ducks in 6

Canucks over Blackhawks in 6

Goody's Picks

Bruins over Canes in 6

Pens over Caps in 7

Ducks over Wings in 7

Blackhawks over Canucks in 6

We Like Sportz and We Don't Care Who Knows!

2009-04-29T01:55:00.004-04:00

So, Nabber decides to reprimand his colleagues for making useless posts by dropping an equally useless post. Thanks. Oh, and the inclusion of a picture of a businessman who is passed out on a toilet? Great…

The only positive that came out of this was the suggestion that Mr. or Ms. Anonymous has made, requesting that we discuss our own greatest sports related achievements. Greatest sports achievement, eh? Thinking about that just reminds me how little I'm into sports these days other than hacking around on the golf course with the

boys and lobbing ping pong balls into plastic cups filled with beer (that's right, I'm calling beer pong a sport).

Since my athletic career is safely on the decline, and my training for baseball has gone from a top priority in life to somewhere between playing Call of Duty 4 and eating a couple pounds of chicken wings, I guess it’s appropriate to look back and pick my favourite moment.

Being named Athlete of the Year and MVP of the baseball team at Durham College is probably my most memorable individual achievement in sports. We were named Team of the Year as well which was also very sweet. The quality of ball or competition that I’ve seen at DC isn’t the best I’ve experienced in my career by any means, but it’s definitely been fun and I’ve won more there in 4 years than I have anywhere else for sure.

So, my biggest achievement came about a month ago, after almost 20 years of playing the game and putting less work into it than I ever have. That’s kind of ironic isn’t it? Maybe I should’ve been pwning noobs on the ol’ 360 and eating at Hooters all along.

I thought this was America!!??

2009-04-29T00:28:00.002-04:00

Sorry about this filler Nabber.

A New Low

2009-04-28T18:27:00.002-04:00

As stated above, I believe this blog has reached a new low. Come on guys, polls about which is the best pizza? We've got to get to work on some new material here and stop slacking off.

I know it's fun to do nothing and eat and drink and get fat, but we've got something like 13 people who really look forward to reading this thing.

If any one of said readers has an idea (not that we don't) or thought they'd like us to touch on, we'd be more than happy to oblige.

That is all.

Weekly Poll Results

2009-04-28T15:19:00.002-04:00

The Masses have spoken and it's a tie between Pizza Hut and Pizza Pizza for favorite pizza parlour with 5 votes each, somewhere else (never heard of it) and Dominos tied for second with 4 votes apiece, followed by Pizza Nova with 1 (because it sucks) and finally Panagos in last with no votes (underrated za). Thanks for voting and enjoying za and the fat life as much as us.

I got punched in the nose for sticking my face in other peoples business.....sounds like a country song!

2009-04-25T14:51:00.008-04:00

Hello loyal blog followers,

It is currently 22 degrees and sunny outside yet I am lying in bed watching Seinfeld re-runs... I am no better than the nerdy kid in Nabber’s last post. However, I feel the need to talk about something that I truly cannot stand. Those of you who know me are aware that there is a certain type of music that I absolutely hate, listening to a single song from this so called genre of “music” makes me want to Van Gogh myself, this music is country music.

Now I am no music snob, in fact my musical background includes learning the recorder in gr. 7, extensive hours on Rock Band and 4 months of drum lessons (My lessons are sandwiched in between a 10 year old girl and an 8 year old boy, both of whom are probably better than me). My ITunes playlist includes bands that my 16 year old sister has outgrown, such as Fall Out Boy and Paramore and I am admittedly a huge Coldplay fan, yet I just don’t understand the appeal of country music.

I have tried on many different occasions to get into country music, I’ve spent a few nights at The Corral in Oshawa, listened to my sisters Kenny Chesney CD and even downloaded a few Garth Brooks tunes in my darkest hour, none of these have heightened my interest in country music whatsoever. I look at the most recent Billboard top 200 list and I see Rascal Flats at #3 and Taylor Swift at #10 and just don’t get it, who listens to this crap? How do countless country acts sell out the ACC to 20 000 people who have never even seen a horse in real life, let alone ride one.

I attended my schools final pub night last night and following the bar (which had free finger foods upstairs, I musta had 12 mozza sticks) I went back to my buddies house with his roommates and some friends, as soon as we got back they put on country music, and everyone knew the words! This is not the only time I’ve seen this silliness either, I once attended my cousins school in upstate New York for a weekend to watch some hockey and party and the only music they listened to was country, and yes, everyone knew every word off by heart....madness (Had an unreal time, just don’t like country, sorry Mike).

I really don’t know where I am going with this, I cannot stand country music in any shape or form, I hope I didn’t offend any of you country music enthusiasts out there, if so I have one thing to say....it could be worse, you could be listening to Nickleback.

Enjoy the only version of country music I like, Donkey Kong Country Music!

Quick Thought

2009-04-24T20:05:00.004-04:00

I just want to quickly touch on an ad I've been seeing recently.

An 8-year old kid is displaying his technological prowess using the Windows Live Photo Gallery software. You know the one. (Link here)

Hey kid, go play outside.

Go learn how to throw baseball or something.

(Boo) Weekly Poll Results

2009-04-21T12:50:00.003-04:00

The results are in for last weeks poll and the results show that Lava Lounge edged out On The Rocks as your favorite bar in whitby by a single vote!* Keep voting on these polls that have no real bearing anywhere!

* There were only 11 votes total so this isn't as big of a deal as I let on, sorry.

The Toronto Freaking Blue Jays

2009-04-21T07:36:00.004-04:00

I had an epiphany last night. It affected me so much I couldn't sleep last night. (I'm up at 7:30, so you know something's up)

The Toronto Blue Jays are going to win the American League East division this season.

I know! It's crazy, it's outrageous. 14 games into t

he season and you're going to crown them?...

I'm not some disillusioned fan. I love the Bills. I love the Leafs. I'm used to disappointment.

And I have an explanation for this.

I'm a big believer in the intangibles of baseball. Co

aching, chemistry in the clubhouse.

Last night on the fan 590, they had Blue Jays benc

h coach Brian Butterfield on. He was talking about some of the notable addtions (and there weren't many) in the off-season, and how much fun it is working with Cito and the other coaches.

Butterfield mentioned how big having Kevin Millar around is. Great for chemistry, loosens everyone up.

Then the conversation turned to a different kind of offensive approach the Jays have this year. They're bunting more, moving runners over.

Cito's idea.

This all comes back to Cito.

Do not underestimate the power of this man.

Players want to play for this guy, and I believe that matters. That's going to win you a few ballgames right there.

I don't even know where this is going anymore, because I barely got a lick of sleep, and I'm a little bit out of it, but the point I'm trying to make is that while I was listening to this interview, this wave of euphoria came over me...a lightbulb went on, and I said to myself, "The Jays are making the playoffs."

You may laugh at this prediction (premonition?). But just remember, you heard it here first.

And if I'm wrong, no one will remember this little blog post (because I'll delete it).

Go Jays Go

Tunage

2009-04-17T21:30:00.003-04:00

Check out what the 3 dusters are pumpin' on their guypods in the "what we're listening to" section on the right hand side of the site. It will be updated once a week so you will never be without great music again...and that's not a threat...that's a promise.

NHL Playoff Predictions - Round 1

2009-04-16T23:12:00.006-04:00

Okay! It's time for the NHL playoffs to sta...What? They already started? Yesterday?
Oh...well shit.
Well alright, so all of us here at 3 Dusters have a one game head start, but none of us will the make the right predictions anyway, so it doesn't really matter.
Here we go...Oh yeah, and Goody wasn't in the office tonight, so he'll have to add his later. Jesus, we're not off to a good start here. (We're probably all too pumped about the Jays!)

Teebs:

Bruins over Canadiens in 5

Devils over Hurricanes in 7

Capitals over Rangers in 7

Penguins over Flyers in 6

Sharks over Ducks in 5

Red Wings over Blue Jackets in 6

Canucks over Blues in 6

Blackhawks over Flames in 7

Nabber:

Bruins over Canadiens in 6

Devils over Hurricanes in 5

Rangers over Capitals in 7

Penguins over Flyers in 5

Sharks over Ducks in 6

Blue Jackets over Red Wings in 7

Canucks over Blues in 6

Blackhawks over Flames in 6

Goody:

Bruins over Canadiens in 4

Hurricanes over Devils in 6

Capitals over Rangers in 6

Penguins over Flyers in 5

Ducks over Sharks in 7

Red Wings over Blue Jackets in 5

Canucks over Blues in 5

Blackhawks over Flames in 6

Mid-April Blue Jays Report

2009-04-16T00:53:00.004-04:00

7-3
First Place in AL East

I was going to wait until the end of the month to weigh in on how the Jays’ season was shaping up but after this evening’s 12-2 dusting of the Twins I just can’t hold it back any longer. 1st place baby! What a fucking squad they are right now! Their hitting ranks as the best in the league with Lind, Hill and Snider leading the way and the pitching staff is holding down the fort with a couple great outings from rookie Ricky Romero (say that 5 times fast) and the usual dominance from Roy Halladay. The American League’s best bullpen from 08 remains strong, although BJ has looked shaky early.

I must admit that before the season began I predicted this team would win about 75-80 games and finish either 4th or last in the ridiculously strong AL East division. However, after 10 games of shitting all over whomever the opposition decides to toss on the hill, I’m slowly starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, they can compete for a playoff spot in September. Of course, the hitting will probably slide back to being average, and the rotation, which has nearly zero big league experience outside of Doc and Litsch, is not likely to continue to be as good as it has been thus far.

Let’s hope that this start isn’t just a big tease and Cito and the gang are actually legit.

YouTube's Finest

2009-04-13T23:50:00.007-04:00

Youtube seems to be the newest craze today, all the young kids are talking about it and countless idiots are getting their 15 minutes of fame by pretending to battle Darth Vader or singing a song about chocolate rain. These videos have garnered international attention, receiving millions of hits across the globe, however, there are some videos out there on youtube that don't get the respect they deserve. I am talking about the next 5 videos, which are not nearly as famous as the ones above, yet are made with such dynamic style and grace that you usually only see in a Scorcese film. These videos capture the essence of brilliance, with acting on par with the likes of Pacino, Crowe or Day-Lewis. Sit back and enjoy the next few minutes of your life.

5. Husky vs. Tony Hawk

The 5th video on this list stars world famous skateboarder Tony Hawk and a Husky, which reminds me, did you hear the story about the skinny guy who went on vacation to Alaska? he came back a husky fucker...Bazing!

4. Slapshot II

This next video is an early cut from the movie Slapshot II. I don't understand how it got left on the cutting room floor?

3. Mini Stick Crosby

This video has it all, great music, good puck movement between goalie and player, and the highly underrated double fall goal celebration.

2. Steve Nash dunking over Kobe.

No Idea.

1. reinactment of ALEXANDER OVECHKIN

Now this is the ultimate fan video. We have what appears to be a girl in a hockey mask with a full shield trying to re-enact Alexander Ovechkins famous goal. Watch both videos and try and tell me which one is real, I dare ya! (The spelling of "reinactment" is the icing on the cake)

Road Rage Incident

2009-04-09T23:14:00.007-04:00

Today is the one week anniversary of my "situation" with another motorist while driving my perfectly manufactured German automobile (I drive a Golf; Good car).

Time: approximately 5:30 p.m.
Location: Bowmanville, Ontario
While on my way to work, another vehicle pulled out in front of me. Now, keep in mind that it was slightly busy at this time of day, and this driver may not have known exactly what he did. But that's really here nor there.
When someone pulls out in front of me, I would expect that he immediately hits the gas with force to make sure he now has ample room in front of me...This driver did not do this. Instead, he continued on in the way that a 90-year old grandmother would: Hovering arounf the 50 km/h mark while not only holding up myself, but the other 260 cars behind me.
Now from here, I am not far from the 401 West exit. But I guessed (correctly) soon after he pulled out in front of me where he was going.
You guessed it: West on the 401.
After making the slow turn onto the ramp, I noticed this driver looking around, enjoying the scenery as if he was the only driver on the road. I despise this.
At this point, I started tailgating and threw up my arms in dismay.
He responded as I hoped he would. He tapped his brakes and made his own gesture to let me know he saw me make mine. (Only now does he realize I'm behind him, it seems)
Next, I gain speed like one should, so that I am able to blend in with the flow of traffic. I pass the other motorist.
As I do, I flip him the bird. I've had it. He looks at me. I'm not sure what he does, except he thinks what I just did was amusing.
So now I'm passed this clown. But now he wants me to know that his Monte Carlo has some giddyup, and he speeds past me at a rate that I wasn't sure he was capable of doing just minutes earlier.
He laughs as he zooms by.

By now, I'm satisfied that I'm on my way and can do my regular speed of around 120 km/h.
The Monte Carlo is probably a kilometre away now, and presumably out of my life.
Except, I notice that I'm creeping closer and closer to this jackass.
I eventually pass him, and when I do, I look into my rear view mirror and notice that this guy is now rubbing his hands together and urging me to "come on" by waving his hands like you would if you were ever telling someone to "bring it on."
I laugh to myself and try to ignore the man who resembles some sort of biker who isn't used to four wheels.
Eventually, he realizes I'm not into any sort of games he has in mind, so he pulls past me again.
Only this time, he proceeds to mouth the word "pussy" and challenges my manhood by placing his thumb and index finger mere inches apart. Centimetres maybe. (I'm average)
Again, I laugh. I also flip him the bird again while mouthing my own set of words: "fuck you."
This retard is loving this moment in his life and I think to myself, "how pathetic, this is the highlight of his day, maybe even his year."
By now I'm wondering if he's going to follow me to work, and I cursed myself for not leaving my bat in the trunk at the conclusion of baseball season.
But he didnt follow me to work.
He got off in Pickering, thus ending one of the most entertaining drives to work that I'd ever encountered.
Loser!

Blue Jays Home Opener

2009-04-06T22:06:00.004-04:00

Just a quick thought on the morons who throw things on the field while at the Blue Jays home opener's.
Just stay away from the goddamn ballpark. Please.
You are the reason I did not attend this year, and am instead writing this about.
You imbeciles will not go to another game all year, you are not real fans, and you do not know jack shit about baseball. So please just stay home.
Thank you.
Ps: Brian Tallet's mustache is fantastic, but it's still not as good as Eck's.

Seperated At Birth - Nabber Division

2009-04-06T14:26:00.005-04:00

Don't Worry guys, I'm all over it.

Below you'll see Ed Helms (I was told that just once and didn't really like the comparison as I feel I'm much more attractive)

Also, former NHL Defenceman Cory Cross...

And Fake and Bake master/former Blue Jay Marty Cordova (He once missed a game after spending too much time in a tanning bed)

Seperated at Birth

2009-04-04T19:40:00.004-04:00

As you know, we here at 3 Dusters enjoy the lighter side of things. So enjoy these seperated at births for Tbo (Lance Berkman, Houston Astros) and myself (Cam Ward, Carolina Hurricanes) and please help us find a good sep at b for our friend Nabber, leave a comment if you have any idears.

Gym Nonsense, Part III

2009-03-28T01:26:00.005-04:00

Oh man, what a great topic. I really appreciate the opportunity to add a third installment. As a generally out of shape guy who just likes to punch in time at the gym in order to combat the occurrence of triple bypass surgery at the age of 25, I can definitely relate to the disgust that you guys are experiencing with our fellow gym attendees. Where shall I begin? My colleagues have covered some of the most obnoxious members of this ever-growing society. The cell phone user, the “I-don’t give-a-fuck-about-putting-my-weights-back-on-the-rack” character, and the idiot who grunts like he’s on the can taking a 10 pound dump are all terrible people. I do, however, have a couple to add to the list which you may have seen at your fitness club of choice.

First, in what appears to be a recent phenomenon, we have the wannabe UFC champion. This is an awful guy to be. I like the UFC and all that MMA stuff, don’t get me wrong. What I do NOT like is guys who walk around the gym performing roundhouse kicks and tossing left hooks in front of the pec deck. My guess is that the majority of these idiots have never even taken a punch, but I'm sure they'll tell you they are training really hard in the cage, working on perfecting their rear naked choke. It actually bothers me to even describe this guy, let alone witness such behaviour. Honestly, whenever I see the UFC Wannabe shadow boxing in front of the mirror I’m praying that Georges St. Pierre comes flying from behind the reception desk and spears this mess of a human being. Moving on…

This next one really baffles me. At the gym I go to, all members have access to a variety of aerobics rooms, a 200m track, and a huge basketball court. So when I see some clown skipping or getting his form running on in the weight room and not in one of those aforementioned areas, I can’t help but wonder if these people are working with an extra chromosome. I actually don’t even have a label for this guy. I’m just gonna call him the skipping/form running/doing things that I could and should be doing somewhere else because I’m making life miserable for normal people guy. Am I really supposed to walk around this asshole that’s skipping in the weight room? Is this guy really doing high knees in the aisle between the treadmills and the elliptical machines? What a joke.

To be continued…

Gym Nonsense, Part II

2009-03-27T20:01:00.003-04:00

Thank you for that fascinating piece Goody. It made me think about the gym on two levels.
First, that I haven't been since September of 2008. And second, that I too have noticed gymgoers using their cellphones whilst working out. Now, it's been so long since I've been to the gym that I don't think the Blackberry existed, but that's neither here nor there.
Goody's post has inspired me to vent about my own frustrations while working out at the local gymnasium, and about how I too, have been witness to maddening antics by fellow gymgoers.
Why can't people be like me and just go about their business in a polite, respectful and unassuming manner?
There are few different 'guys' at the gym.
You have It's-not-my-gym, it's-not-where-I-live, so-I'm-just-going-to-leave-all-the-weights I've-just-used-all-over-the-floor-so-that-the-next-person-that-comes-over-here-has-to stumble-and-trip-all-over-them. And-then-has-to-put-them-away-for-me Guy.
Well I've got two words for you pal: Fuck You.
Next, we have Hey-look-at-me, I'm-working-out-with-weights! Guy.
This guy brings attention to something we already know by screaming, grunting and ugghhhhing his way through every rep and set of his workout.
Hey buddy, this isn't your own private gym, keep the goddam noise down. If you closed your eyes and turned your head in the other direction, you'd think he was getting rammed up the ass. I don't need to hear it.
This concludes my lambasting of fools in the gym.
There's a lot more ground to cover, so I think I'll let Teebs knock out the last post on this issue.
See what you've done Goody? Pat yourself on the back, a la Barry Horowitz.
Everyone here is better for it, especially if any of our six readers are these meatheads we're talking about.
Out.

Please hang up and try your call again.

2009-03-27T19:14:00.003-04:00

“Sorry bro, I gotta go...I’ve got one more set on the bench, gonna pump out 285.” Have you ever heard this at the gym? What about something along the lines of “Did you see Paris Hilton’s My New BFF last night? I cannot believe Brittany won!*” If so, you may have fallen victim to the often inconspicuous cell phone gym talker, also known as Plugus Maximus by Darwin enthusiasts. This breed of gym goer may appear friendly upon first site, but be warned, they are more annoying than Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in a late 80’s/early 90’s rom-com (timely reference, I know.)

I just don’t see the need to bring a cell phone into the gym with you? Case in point; how many pairs of gym shorts do you own that have pockets? I know that some people may say they carry it at all times in case they receive an important call or an emergency comes up, but this does not seem like a viable excuse for lugging around a blackberry with “circus” as your ringtone around the weight room. If you are waiting for that important of a call, don’t go to the gym, if there is an emergency you can easily be reached through a landline...you know, those phones that are attached to the wall (weird, huh?)

I have witnessed the Plugus Maximus on a few different occasions over the last month or so. One guy was actually on the bench press and stopped between sets to talk to someone on his cell. If the guy weren’t 6’5 and 250lbs I would’ve gave him a piece of my mind. Just the other day a girl answered a call whilst running on the treadmill, this of course meant she had to slow down and walk for about 5 minutes while she discussed her plans for that night (drinking Bacardi Limon and going to Shagwells).

Many of us have witnessed such events around the gym, it seems as though it has become commonplace at my gym. I wouldn’t quite call it an epidemic yet, but folks, please try to designate an hour or two out of your day to be “cell-phone free time” before it’s too late. You never know, someone may actually call you through that weird thing in your house with the cord that makes a ringing noise instead of a realtrax ringtone.

* Paris Hilton’s My New BFF is an awesome show, Brittany Flickinger was the winner in season one.

No One's Tanking. Get Over It

2009-03-27T11:28:00.013-04:00

It's been a few days since our last post. Those other two dusters are probably just too lazy to write, or they don't have the mental capacity to think of any more topics. It's probably the former though. Teebs and Goody are pretty sharp.

Anyway, I've been racking my brain thinking of a topic to write about, and I finally settled on one.

And that topic is, the notion that teams not contending for a title or playoff spot should tank it down the stretch.

Certain Maple Leafs fans come to mind when I think about this.

I'm a huge buds fan, but there's no way I could ever hope that my team loses. That's absurd to me.

Totally Abbbbzzzzzzuuuurrrrddddd.

Some people will say, "Oh, I hope they don't win so they can get a better draft position and draft Tavares."

Well, I have news for those people. Not 0ne player on the Leafs, or any other rebuilding team, is thinking that. They're thinking about themselves and their teammates.

They're thinking about jobs for next year. On a team that's rebuilding, no one is safe.

Look around the NHL. Not one team near the bottom of the standings is playing terrible hockey. They're still getting after it.

I still don't understand how you could cheer against your team. I hope my team wins every game. If they lose, so be it. They're not very good anyway.

Another point lost in this is that winning breeds confidence. And that's extremely important

for a young team like the Leafs. It's something they can take into next season, something to build on.

Going back to the draft...It's a lottery. No one is guaranteed the #1 pick. There's always busts. There's always gems found in the later rounds. Who's the say the best player to come out of the draft won't be someone picked 94th overall?

I was all over the place on this, but my main point is that teams aren't going to tank. The Leafs are the perfect example here. Ron Wilson's done an amazing job. Brian Burke is loving every shootout win up in his box, knocking over his spitters and sending papers flying all over the place.

You think these guys don't want to win every game?

Fans need to figure it out.

Check Out This Squid

2009-03-23T01:47:00.004-04:00

Ever sit at home on your computing device looking up stuff on Google that you wouldn’t want to tell too many people about? Yeah, I look up porn all the time too, but this isn’t about erotic images, that’s for another day.

Well, I’m feeling pretty open about sharing my little secret tonight, so here it is. I really, REALLY enjoy looking up bizarre creatures on Google. This Giant Squid is just one example…

Damn, that's sweet.

What’s so great about a Giant Squid you ask? Shit, I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never actually seen a squid, or the fact that if I was out chilling on boat in the Atlantic that I’d rather see a Great White Shark than look starboard and see a Giant Squid rollin’ up on my ass.

So, there you have it, I love Googling squid. Please feel free to share your secret Google fetishes. I’m always looking for new material.

Pro vs. College

2009-03-21T22:42:00.005-04:00

This next thought is directed at the people who say that the best college team(s) could hang with the best pro team(s).
I'm not sure if you've thought this through...
I was just getting my March Madness on, watching Duke pull out a close win over Texas, when Teebs and I were brought up the college vs. pro topic.
We both don't understand how anyone could think that a college team would EVER beat a team of professionals, even if it was a team like the Detroit Lions.
I'd now like to make a few points on why this would never happen.

1. Whether we're talking football or hoops, let's remember that only a handful of college athletes ever play pro ball. So when you're talking about team of professionals taking on a team where some of the players will be working at Foot Locker in the near future, it's no contest. I don't care how bad the pro team is.

2. Next, I'll highlight the fact that college vs. pro is, esentially, boy vs. man. Some of the young college players have developed, but every one of the pro players have.
The pro players would literally man-handle the college boys.

3. The last point I'll make is just so this rant looks better. Three points is better than two. It just looks more official that way. This does make sense though. Imagine you're a player for the Lions, or playing in the NBA for the Clippers...There's no wayyyy you're letting that college team win.
And that's just the thing; the pro guys would have to LET the college guys win.

The thoughts and ideas included in this post are in no way a slight against college athletes. They are a slight against the individuals (imbeciles?) who think that even the best college team could actually beat even the worst of professional team.
It just wouldn't happen.

Sounds Educational

2009-03-21T01:00:00.002-04:00

I don't know where Morehead State is but I am thinking of transferring.

What's the Story, Morning Glory?

2009-03-20T23:07:00.000-04:00

Sha-boyyyy

Good evening plugs and plugettes (Who am I kidding, no girls are ever gonna read this. Do I even talk to girls? Fuck me.) I don’t know what’s in the water these days, but I’m finding that a lot of people I meet are, how do you say, fuckin’ storytellers. Now I’m not talking about Robert Munsch or Dean Koontz here, these are people who just drop pure fiction about their lives in order to feel better about themselves and then inexplicably expect people to believe these fables. I mean, everyone’s gotta pump their tires up once in a while, but people can’t be telling outrageous stories about themselves in public. Especially ones that can be completely refuted by the people whom they wish to enlighten.

It happens everywhere I go. At school, work, the gym (all 3 times), the bar, the spa, the rub & tug, the rippers, the adult video store, everywhere. Most of my experiences with storytelling have actually taken place in the sports environment. Perhaps it’s an issue of trying to impress the boys or it could be a matter of an individual believing that they are much more of a stud than they really are. I don’t know the psychology of human beings well enough to speculate too much on that. What I do know, however, is that these people must think I’m a fucking huge dolt if they think I’m really gonna buy in to their lies.

I’d love to provide some examples but I don’t know who’s gonna read this and I don’t want to break any storytellers’ hearts out there by calling them out on one of their own bullshit stories. Just know that I’m always looking for a silly little story and if it’s ridiculous enough I will for sure call bullshit on them. Oh yeah… if what you have just read means nothing to you and you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, you’re the storyteller and you need to figure it out.

Later.

WBC - Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

2009-03-20T22:34:00.000-04:00

Thanks for that beauty post Goody. I feel so much better knowing how much more I accomplished today than you...
Then again, you did lounge around all day and eat nachos. I'd love to do that everyday, I really would. Except I would replace the nachos with chicken fingers.
I don't care what anyone says, I could eat those everyday and not get tired of them. The key would be to switch up on the sauces.
Oh ya...I was going to talk about the World Baseball Classic...
When I first heard about this a few years back, I thought, "Hey this is a good idea. More baseball." I like baseball. Actually I love baseball.
But then I watched some of it, and I honestly don't remember who won the first WBC tournament.
I've watched some this year, but the truth is, nothing much else is going on. The NBA turns me off these days, football is over, and you can only watch so much hockey (which is pretty much what I do for a living right now).
When someone mentions the WBC, two words pop into my dome: Who Cares?
It's just meaningless baseball when you think about it. If it meant anything, they wouldn't have it in the middle of spring training.
Hey, baseball is baseball. I'll watch. But don't expect me to really care who wins. This isn't to be confused witht the Olympics.
It's a way to make more money I suppose, and also a way for every big name to injure themselves getting after it like it's game 7 of the World Series instead of them being in spring training dipping and popping seeds on the bench while a guy who'll be bagging groceries in a couple weeks serves up gopher balls to guys with names like Chip Cannon and Hiram Bocachica.
Anyways, the WBC is basically a joke. How else do you explain the attendance numbers?
I hope this doesn't last, and if players keep getting hurt, eventually their clubs won't allow these guys to play.
And then what?
Then you're stuck watching guys you've never really heard of.
And isn't that what spring training is for?

A Productive Day

2009-03-20T21:33:00.004-04:00

11:49 am– wake up from some beauty sleep, feeling refreshed and ready to start the day….probably go to the gym around 3 this afternoon.

1:00 pm – Nice! Marquette is playing Utah State. I’ve got the Aggies for the upset. I gotta watch this.

1:03 pm – I’m kinda hungry, some food would go great with college hoops. Shit, no bread, milk, or butter….nachos it is. No clean normal size plates? An oversized dish usually used to serve a party of 6+ will have to do.

2:00 pm – Well, there always next year for the Aggies, I should really get ready for the gym soon….

3:00 pm – Where am I? Damn, must’ve fallen asleep. Do I see a few stragglers on the nacho dish? Delish.

3:30 pm – Tbo phones, suggests Johnny Burger. I guess the gym can wait until 6, after all, it does close at 9.

3:58 pm – Hamburger and fries…actually I’ll make it a poutine. Is it just me or is poutine more enjoyable when it’s served in a takeout box meant for an entire burger and fry combo?

4:07 pm – fat.

5:00 pm – My friend jimmy calls, he’s heading to the gym…Simpsons is about to start and I think it’s the krusty comeback special episode…fuck the gym, I was only gonna do legs anyways.

6:35 pm – The next set of march madness games are less than an hour away and Tim Micallef is dropping some zingers on The Score. Dionte Christmas not being related to Lloyd Christmas!?…can’t miss T.V.

7:57 pm – gym closes in about an hour. The game isn’t over but I should really go and hop on the treadmill for 30 minutes.

8:43 pm – Shit! Well I guess I can always go workout tomorrow….or maybe start a fresh week Monday.

- Goody

Roster Addition

2009-03-20T20:10:00.000-04:00

I just want to report that blogging prodigy "Nabber" has agreed to add some guest posts. His plug rating is off the charts so we think he'll really be a great contributor.

Don't do me like that, Goody!

2009-03-20T18:59:00.000-04:00

Hey plugs,

It's your 2 favourite stud-men, Teebs & Goody. Blogging seems to be the newest cool thing to do so we figured we'd stop by to preach the good word of the duster. Plus, it's pretty obvious that everyone we know has been dying for us to start one up. Enjoy.

Love,

teebs and goody