All Your Base Are Belong To Becks

Just realized I haven't posted in a while. I'll attribute that to a number of things....

a) Sports are at a low point this time of year. Baseball is done, all there is to say about the NFL is Brett Favre related, and the NHL and NBA are chugging along through their useless regular seasons.

b) I'm fat and lazy

c) Modern Warfare 2...which works in concert very nicely with point B.

For those who are, for lack of a better word, retarded, Modern Warfare 2 is an extremely popular video game, the latest in the Call of Duty series. I came across some stats which show just how massive this game is which has convinced me that video games are no longer nerdy or uncool. Let's just rip through some of these quickly...

Modern Warfare 2's $550 million first week sales surpassed some of largest entertainment launches of all time:

The largest reported five-day opening worldwide box office gross figures, held by Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ($394 million)

The largest reported five-day opening domestic box office gross figures, held by The Dark Knight ($203.8 million)

The largest reported five-day worldwide video game sales record, previously held by Grand Theft Auto IV (6 million units, $500 million)

Bigger than Batman and Harry Potter? Are there really that many dweebs out there?

I have a theory for this video game phenomenon, and no, it has nothing to do with obesity and kids not going outside anymore.

I was chatting with my brother, who is 35 years old, on the weekend about Modern Warfare 2 and various other video games. He isn't into the gaming as much as he used to be, but he made a very interesting point about Modern Warfare 2 and similar games.

He mentioned how when he was at the highschool/college age, he and his buddies would talk about how great it would be to be able to go online with shooting games like Modern Warfare 2 and play with/against each other, being able to communicate the entire time. This, to me, makes it all quite clear why this shit is so popular now.

Dudes who gamed 15-20 years ago can do the kinda shit now that wasn't possible back then. So they eat it up and reconnect with their childhood.

It's only going to get bigger too. Parents these days are going to be way more into it than those of my generation. My parents are like 60, they were already old when Mario started stomping Goombas.

So, what's the point, you ask? I have no idea. Video games are fun, don't hate on me.

I gotta go get a few kills online, god knows I'm not getting any in real life.

Holy Christ

One more thing: Have you seen Sammy Sosa's grill!!!!

Jesus H. Christ. This is too weird....What's weirder is he seems fine with it. If this happened to me I wouldn't leave my house. I've attached the article in which he explains how this happened. You may already know that he's blaming a skin rejuvination cream that came from Europe.
I say, don't trust Europeans.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4642952

I like the Yankees, Patriots, Red Wings and Lakers

Oh hey! Didn't see you there...
It's time for Nabber's latest post. I've been slacking I know. There's just so much more important things to do. I won't touch on it yet, but I've got a major announcement to make. Let's save that for the next post. See what I just did there? That's called a "tease."

As for this column, I'm going to talk about annoying sports fans. Everyone can relate to that. In fact, it seems that's all we do here is rip into others. But it's fun! And done from the safety of my living room while hiding behind my laptop and keyboard.

Anyway, I work in a sports environment and many times get to listen to who's fantasy team is doing what and also which team it is they support. I find it strange that with so many locals working there, not everyone supports their local sports franchise. Call me old-fashioned, but I think that's the way it should be (Okay, I know we've talked about this).

Yet everytime I turn my head I hear, "Oh, my Pats are killing it today", or "How bout them Wings?" Other quips include, "Can't stop Kobe!" and Get ready for another Yankees dynasty!"

It's ridiculous. And of course this isn't just happening in my workplace. It's everywhere. I've got a few theories about why some people like these teams.
1) They're fucking sickening bandwagon jumpers.
2) They actually like these teams for a real good reason (ex. Their Dad followed them when he was a kid, etc.)

The real issue I have with these people is how proud they are of these teams they support, even though it's possible that they a) cannot even watch their favorite teams because the team is not in their market and b) they've never attended one of their favorite teams games. These people are out there, don't kid yourself. I know we now live in an age when you can watch anything and everything, but what did these people do before that? Follow their teams by reading the box scores?

I personally have a sick fascination with comically mediocre teams (Black Jays, Bills, Leafs) I'm almost proud of it because it really tests my loyalty.
But I can always know that I have been with these teams for legit reasons, not just because they were good or won championships.

Wait, you're not from Buffalo! What gives buddy?
True, when I started watching football, the Bills were in their heyday, but the first time I watched them, they were trailing by about 30 points in the Superbowl. I went for the underdog. (Why am I such a loser? If I like losing teams, does that me a loser? Hmm...)

In closing, you all know the people I'm talking about. Maybe you're one of them. If you are, you can't be helped. If you're not one of these people, then you know exactly what I'm saying. So go ahead, like you're Lakers, Red Wings, Yankees/Red Sox, Patriots. But just remember, when those teams hit a dry spell, or cease to be competitve for a time, who will you cheer for then?

No PDA In The Bigs

The Phillies clinched the NLCS last night with a 10-4 win over LA and Brett Myers is still getting no love from his wife. Hopefully he doesn't smack her around for this move like he did a few years back....

Brett Myers Denied

A Slippery Myth

We here at 3 dusters are often too lazy to write anything worth reading so today we are welcoming a guest entry which we think fits in beautifully with what we're all about here on this esteemed blog. This fine tale comes from fellow duster, Mike Giorgi. Enjoy. 

There are many quotations in the western culture that usually go undisputed and unquestioned by the majority of the population. Today I dare to question one pertaining particularly to the sports world, the world of criminal activity, and sometimes those who get caught in the "grey" area in between (not pointing fingers, NFL). This quotation would be the age old warning “don’t drop the soap” when entering the showering facilities.

I, like many of you, have always taken this warning as bible. Yet the oddest thing happened in the YMCA shower today. I know what you all are thinking, “what were you doing at the gym?” I would like to tell you that I did some sort of structured workout that my health will actually benefit from but the truth is I did approximately 3 sets of flat bench, threw in a set of incline and rode the bike next to a girl who will be known as P.F.G (Perfect Face Girl), since she is much too hot to talk to in order to find out her real name, until I finished my bottled water.

Without venturing too far off topic I will resume my story about the events that occurred in the shower. After my “workout” I grabbed my bottle of head and shoulders (give me a break the gym ‘poo is shit), wrapped a towel around myself and entered the showers. The usual suspects were taking part in their cleansing rituals. There was a man of Asian descent wearing a swimming cap, a burly man who (by the looks of the permanent tan from his wife beater) had been in construction for twenty plus years, and a cheerful elder man with a slight hunch and, from his quick nod and “hello”, had an English accent. I took a shower in between the Brit and the Asian man and proceeded to wet and lather. It was time for the shampoo. I popped the blue top off and turned the bottle upside down. 

That’s when it happened. 

I squeezed the bottle and the soap residue on my hands caused the bottle to slip out of them, across the floor and in between the Asian and the hardy construction worker. Neither of them moved to aid me in its recovery (jerks) so I mustered the courage and pursued my lost treasure. I admit, had I thought of it at the time, I would have just bent my knees (even though now that I picture it a guy squatting in the showers is more awkward than what actually happened). I closed my eyes, bent over, and recaptured the lost bottle. 

Nothing happened. 

Half shocked and half disappointed I returned my selected showerhead. Then it hit me. The shower is probably the safest place to expose one’s bunghole to the open air. For those of you who have had sex with a female in the shower you know that water is a terrible lubricant. Being wet from the shower would almost form some sort of Star Wars-worthy force field around the area of concern. At the same time, however, you (and more importantly your waist) would be much too slippery a target to grab onto. Finally, being the shooter in an unwanted game of bum darts HAS to be somewhat embarrassing in front of so many witnesses and probably dangerous around authority figures such as prison guards. We should have learned from The Shawshank Redemption that somewhere dry and subtle, like a janitor’s closet, is a much more dangerous place to drop something naked around sexual deprived or homosexual individuals. Sometime, long ago, the actual quote must have been along the lines of “don’t drop your knife when seven dudes are trying to do you.” Broken telephone isn’t such a fun game now, is it?

Outside the shower lay the dangers of wet towel fights and credit card scenarios (although I admit these have occurred in the shower as well). So I say – drop the soap. Kick it around a few times. Pass it to a buddy. Enjoy it. Don’t spend the extra eighteen cents on a rope (a hundred of which costs you a bottle of Brava). My only fear is that there are far too many of these quotes in the English language that will forever limit our fun times without any real threat to us- like dropping the soap during shower time.

Weekly Poll Results

Saw this one coming; Yonny Burger takes the cake with 7 votes, nobody else really came close. Honorable mention to Wendiles (2 votes) and their delicious grand slam burger (it's not on the menu, but ask for one and I guarantee you will not be disappointed...or skinny). I am a little surprised to see the lack of love for Harvinolds, but not as surprised as the fact that E and Sloan are getting married (spoiler alert) oh shit, those are supposed to go before the spoiler...oh well, if you haven't watched the season finale of entourage yet you're a true duster. Tbo, just admit it was a good episode, happy endings make everyone feel warm and fuzzy inside, and lisztomania by Phoenix playing in the background was definitely legit.

Speaking of entourage, I think I will make this week’s poll about it. It has been confirmed that they will air a 7th season sometime in the summer of 2010. I am interested to see what many of you think about this (once?) excellent show.

On a completely separate note, a couple of beauties I know stumbled upon a real gem of a burger joint on the weekend, and I mean this literally as they were hammered drunk Saturday night and looking for a feed after leaving the Tap. The spot is Nick’s Grill in Downtown Whitby and apparently it’s open until 3am on Fridays and Saturdays. I had it the other day for lunch and boy was it a treat. I am in no way affiliated with this establishment; I just know all of you out there are dying to find out what I eat to maintain this Greek Adonis like body, Enjoy!

Leafs Nation = Disaster Zone

The NHL season is underway and nothing is new in Toronto, the lowly Leafs are off to one of the worsts starts in their storied history, managing only 1 point throughout their first 6 games. I know it is early in the season but the embarassing 4-1 loss to the avalanche last night, who owned the NHL's third worst record last season, could be only a sign of things to come. The Avalanche have been playing well so far this year behind the stellar goaltending of longtime back-up Craig Anderson and an offence lead by two 18 year old rookies in Matt Duchene and Ryan O'Reilly, still no excuse for getting pounded 4-1.

So what is wrong with the Leafs this year? No scoring punch? Too many stupid penalties? Horrible Goaltending? All of this seems to be true early in the season. The leading scorer was banished to the press box last night and Vesa Toskala is a joke, the hockey equivelant of Josh Towers, remember him? The leafs big signings included Francois Beauchemin, who played in the shadows of two future Hall of Famers in Anaheim, and is now the owner a -5 +/- rating, they also signed Komisarek, Exelby, and Orr for some toughness, so far their fights have lead to minimal success in the win department, and finally; the Monster, the guy had some sort of heart attack when riding the stationary bike....good signing fellas.

I am guilty of buying into Burke's crap throughout the offseason and pre-season about the leafs being a much better team and I wish i could honestly say that things will turn around in the near future but I just don't see it happening. The Leafs have what seems to be a proven scorer in Phil Kessel on the IR, but they also paid a high price to get him. If the Leafs continue to play they way they have and Kessel doesn't light it up once he returns than that deal only looks even better for Boston come draft time.

As a Leaf fan I hope that the team FIO's and starts playing better hockey because as of right now it's not even worth watching, especially if I have to look at Burkes yuge melon and Wilson's Bill Gates haircut throughout the game.