Mark McGLiar

Hello out there!

Just wanted to give my take on the whole Mark McGwire situation, even though it's somewhat "old news" at this point.

Mark McGwire is a joke. Not because he used steroids though, oh no no no. I understand the "era" for what it was - a time when every Mark, Jose and Barry was able (allowed?) to 'roid up.

Since this story broke, a few former players have spoken out about this issue, including Jack Clark and the great Carlton Fisk. They're all totally against all of this, and I don't blame them.
They were guys who worked hard to get to where they got to, probably without the use of banned substances like steriods.

But why should someone like me get all twisted up over this? I didn't play. Roids were NOT against the rules in Major League Baseball, and although I tend to be more on the side of the guys that didn't use, I see clearly the viewpoints of the 'roid users. And I understand why they took them. I don't really blame them, and I'm not angry at all.

Back to McGwire. He came out and admitted that he used steroids.
Ok that's great Mark, but why don't you go all the way with the truth?
McGwire believes that steroids did not help him hit any of his 583 career homeruns.
He only used them to "stay healthy and get back onto the field."

Right.

Why does he think anyone will buy that? It's such a joke.
Again, come out and say you did it, but when you do, just say some thing along the lines of
"It was a mistake, and I regret it. I owe some of my numbers to steroids, that's for sure."
I would love to see that. So would everyone else.

And just as a side not here, McGwire is not a hall of famer either. I believe people should get into the hall of fame regardless of steroid use, but even so, Big Mac's numbers do not stack up enough for me. All he has going for him are the 583 homers.

Now, that's a shit load of dingers, but do me a favour and look at some of the guys in history who have close to, but not quite 500 homers.
Then compare the other offensive numbers of those guys to McGwire's.

In closing, Mark McGwire might be a good guy, but he's a terrible liar.

Don't Do Me Like That, Goody!

Word,

I know that many of our readers out there are very upset that I haven’t posted anything new on here for a couple months. I’ve heard stories of crying fits, panic attacks, people becoming violently ill, I even had to talk a few people off of ledges with promises of new material very soon, well alas, here is it; prepare to be underwhelmed.

Since it has been a while since I have posted I think I can touch on a few different topics, get it out all out of my system, kind of like the way I did early Sunday morning into a nearby garbage pale at my girlfriends house (I owe you).
I don’t know about the rest of you twenty somethings out there, but does anybody find it a little depressing that Christmas no longer means pure excitement for the month of December… waking up at 5am on Christmas Day to open up what seemed like a million presents? I just recently finished school, foreeeverrrrr, and with no career in site and the joy of working at 8AM on boxing day at a bitter cold hockey rink this year, I am having trouble getting into the Christmas Spirit. Sure, I have an advent calendar, but cardboard tasting chocolate can only bring you so much joy. I’ve watched a few Christmas movies… I think Christmas Vacation has been on at least one channel at every hour of the day since Dec 1. I’ve bought a few gifts, helped decorate the tree, even attended a Christmas Concert, yet it still sits in the back of my mind that Christmas will never be as fun as it was when I was 10, getting old and having responsibilities sucks, am I right?

Enough with the emo garbage, let’s move on to something less depressing… like Toronto sports teams (did I say less depressing?) 2010 could very well be another depressing year in the life of a Toronto sports fan. With the trade of Dr. Hal O’Day by the Black Jays, it is going to be another long year at the Rogers Centre. I will continue to root for the Jays, and I like the fact that we got some promising young prospects from the Phillies and A’s, but it is not going to change the fact that the Jays will most likely finish 4th or 5th in the AL East. Black Jays.

The Argo’s are a joke…well the CFL is a joke, so even if the Argo’s were good, they’d be a joke by default. They just fired their coach, his name was Bart, enough said.

The Raptors changed their roster drastically this off season and promised a good product on the floor, this year. Every game they lose and give up 378pts the more I think Colangelo is not the genius we were promised. Win a playoff series guys.

TFC; gay.

That leaves us with everybody’s favorite sports franchise, the May Pull Leifs. Could it be that the team that everybody has shit on at the beginning of the year turns it around and makes the playoffs? Could this no talent group of hacks actually win a round, maybe 2? Could they be the most successful sports team in Toronto in 2010? Maybe I’m reaching a little bit, but the recent turnaround of the Leafs has got people talking. The Leafs have certainly been playing better as of late, sitting 4 points out of a playoff position as of Monday afternoon. Phill Kessel has been playing well (other than a couple stinkers against his old team) making the deal that I blasted earlier this year look like it may turn out to be alright. I think the Leafs can pull it together and make a playoff appearance in 2010, especially in the joke that is the Eastern Conference. Here are a few New Year’s resolutions for the Maple Leafs, to ensure that they keep the train rolling into the New Year.

They need to play with a little more heart, especially Gustavsson.

Matt Stajan needs to contact the people at EA sports and inform them that his name is not pronounced “Stayin”. They’ve been pronouncing it like that in their video games for years, Figure it out.

Play with more balls, I’m looking at you Kessel (too soon?)

Get rid of Colton orr and Wayne Primeau and bring in their brothers, Keith and Bobby…Bobby is Colton’s brother right? Either way, bring in Bobby Orr.

Kaberle needs to grow a beard, he’s got the face of a 6 year old girl.

Ron Wilson really needs to stop letting his mother cut his hair, you’re making lots of money Ron, get a real haircut.

Make the playoffs.

Merry Christmas, y’all!!

There's No Roy in Team

A message to all the fairweather Blue Jay fans who have been spouting off about this Roy Halladay trade: Shut up. There's a reason why you aren't the GM and there are countless reasons why this had to happen. He's gone, we'll all get over it, the team will be fine. Now go save your money for tickets for the home opener, pull out your old school Jays hat and jersey, proceed to watch 10 minutes of the game, get in a fight in the stands, and throw a few empty beer cups on the field. Thanks.

There are too many things I want to comment on right now. I've heard and read people say they aren't going to follow the Jays anymore. People are wondering who they can possibly cheer for now that Halladay is gone. Fans believe that Aaron Hill and Adam Lind are now the only useful players we have on the roster.........HUH??

Do people really have this stuff going through their brains? Come on people, I certainly get frustrated with this team on a regular basis, but never to that level. If you are a real fan of a team it takes a lot more than trading their best player to abandon them. That's lame.

I'm going to throw a few things out here on why people need to figure it out. This has the potential to turn into a huge Vernon Wells rant. Beware.

1) To the "fans" who are abandoning all hope and don't want to follow the team anymore: Really? You're done? Come on, it's just one guy when it comes down to it. Plus, he doesn't even play every day. Halladay is the best Blue Jay to ever take the mound that I've witnessed (well, Roger Clemens is, but fuck him) but it's not like he's the only player that matters. He pitches around 30-35 games a year. What's that you say? You only watch when Halladay pitches? Well, that's retarded. You can leave.

2) To the people who don't know who they can cheer for now that Halladay, Blue Jay of Blue Jays, has been traded to Philly. Uhhh here's one for ya...everyone else on the fucking team. Hello? You are a Blue Jays fan are you not? You cheer for everyone! That's right, you cheer for everyone on the team regardless of whether or not they are a star player. You don't like certain players on the team? Boo hoo. You think Vernon Wells (uh-oh, here we go) is an overpaid, useless piece of shit? Too bad! He's on the team like everyone else. If Halladay was your favourite player, I get it, it sucks. Follow his starts with the Phils, cheer him on, be glad he isn't killing Toronto with the Yankees or Red sox. Then, go cheer for the entire Jays team.

3) To the people who praise Aaron Hill and Adam Lind since only they are worth anything on this lousy squad. Give me a break. One great year apparently gets you MVP status among fairweather Jays fans. I've never seen 2 guys get so much love from the fans for having one good season. Aaron Hill's story is nice, I'm a big fan of his and it was great to see him have a huge comeback year. Lind looks like he's finally figured it out at the big league level and I hope he keeps it going. Both players had the best offensive seasons that Jays fans have seen since 2006, when Troy Glaus and Vernon Wells (yep, it's coming) put up big numbers. Now, Glaus only hit around .250 that year, so maybe he shouldn't be held in the same regard as Lind and Hill. Vernon, however, authored a batting line of .303, 32, 106, quite similar to the numbers Aaron and Adam achieved in the '09 season. Oh, and that isn't even the best season of his career. Fuck it, let's do this.....

Yes, its time for the Vernon Wells rant. I've been waiting a long time to do this on this blog.

People, forget the huge contract, forget what you think you know about this guy (enough with saying he's lazy and doesn't care, its such bullshit), and know this: Vernon Wells, when he is the real Vernon Wells and not this bandaided imposter we've seen the past couple years, is the best player on this team. You know it's true, stop kidding yourselves.

I know people are still going to say, fuck Vernon, he's lazy, doesn't hustle, blah blah blah. Here's something for you to chew on. Fans adore the guys that dive around and get dirty and play baseball 100mph. The Reed Johnsons of MLB. There's a reason why a guy like Reed Johnson has to play like that, and it's largely because he doesn't have the talent and can't play with the efficiency of a guy like Vernon Wells. The hustle guys are great to have for many reasons, but they aren't going to lead you to a ring. If you would rather have a guy like Reed in CF over Vernon you are a total loon.

Oh, and the contract, the oft-cursed contract. Ok, the contract sucks, it really does. It sucks even if he is putting up .300, 30 100 numbers. I get it though, the team needed to show the fans that they were willing to shell out the dough to keep our star players around. If the Jays didn't give him the money, someone else was going to give him just as much. But come on, people take this contract thing way too far. It's not your money, why do you care so much what he makes? Should he perform at a high level based on how much money he makes? Yes, but to a degree. I don't know if he can ever really "earn" that money in the haters' eyes at this point.

Like I said before, When Wells is on, he is the man, there's no debate. Give me another great year from Hill and Lind and another horrible year from Wells and that can probably be refuted. Until then, it's true, and it really grinds my gears that no one can admit that when the proof is right there.

Fans, get your act together and cheer for the team. Sure, they aren't going to be good this year, but don't just bail now and hop back on when they get good again, then you are just as bad as all those Red Sox fans that came out of god knows where back in 04. Man, that was so laaame.

As for Vernon, cheer the guy on. No more moans and groans every time he steps up with runners in scoring position. Yeah, he's had a couple rough years, and I'm sure he knows it. He wants to do well as bad as we want him to. Oh, and just so you know, I'm driving the Vernon Wells bandwagon in 2010, and, if you figure it out now, you can all hop on for the summer.

Merry Christmas to all of our readers and their families!

Love,

Teebs

DOC

If it doesn't happen today, it will become official tomorrow. Roy Halladay will be traded to the Philadelphia Phillies. And you know what? Good. I'm pleased about it, satisfied.

Halladay never publicly lashed out and demanded a trade like so many others do. He's a class act and has remained that way until the final days of his Black Jays tenure. He's the best pitcher in baseball.

And go ahead and circle next June whatever on your calendar, because that's when Roy and the Phillies head back to Toronto for a three game series at the Rogers Centre. (What kind of baseball team calls their park a "centre" by the way? Call it Rogers Field, Park...Centre is for hockey and basketball arenas. Figure it out.)

Back to Halladay. I feel good about him not going to Boston or the Yankees, even though I wouldn't have lost my mind if he did. This trade is not about where he goes/went, it's about what the boys in black get back.

If Toronto gets Kyle Drabek, Michael Taylor and Travis D'Arnaud back as reported, I think that's a fine haul. Taylor is 24 and can probably step in right away if not next year, Drabek is 22 and not far away, and D'Arnaud is a 20-year old catching prospect who hit well last year in the minors. (.255, 13, 71, .319) He also hit 38 doubles.

When it's all said and done, Halladay is a Phillie, the Black Jays get back some nice prospects, and the fans don't hate Roy for leaving, or worse demanding a trade out of town. Doc should always be remembered in Toronto as one of at least the best two pitchers in franchise history (respect Stieb) and a class act who wanted to win above all else. That's what I'll think of, and I'll always hope he does well no matter where he goes for the rest of his career.

Having said all that, when are they trading Overbay? And are we really going to see John Buck and Ramon Castro share the catching duties this year? The answer to that last question is yes! Welcome to the beginning of the rebuild.

Go get 'em Tiger

I just want to quickly revisit this Tiger Woods thing. After learning that he's allegedly been with at least 10 other women while he's been married, my opinion has changed slightly.

I wasn't ready to throw Tiger under the bus initially like so many others, but wow, 10? When will the number stop going up? Does he hit 20 soon? 50? 100 kills? Tiger clearly is not who we thought he was, and now I think he should come out from the shadows and speak on the matter, for his own sake.

I don't really need to hear about all the filthy little details, but he needs to come out and talk about this. If he's got some sort of problem like a sex addiction or whatever, fine, tell people. At this point he needs to clean up at least some of this mess because it's just getting out of control and he's looking like a bigger scumbag every hour.

If he doesn't, in 50 years people won't be talking about Tiger Woods as the greatest golfer of all time, he'll be remembered more for being an adulterous scumbag, which would be a real shame.

Hey, Uh, It's Tiger.

With all of this Tiger Woods hoopla taking place it seemed appropriate that the 3 dusters should throw in their 2, or 3, cents. I've read about all there is to read lately on the Tiger Woods saga and all the media coverage and public response is fascinating . I should make it clear that while cheating on your spouse is not something that I condone or look favourably upon, I also think it's great that we have found out that yet another sports god is a flawed human being just like the rest of us.

I also think it's great that Tiger just proved that even though you might be super rich, good looking, have huge celebrity status, and have a smoking hot wife, it's still so tough to resist the urge to party and chase tail.

Before I get into this further I just want to post one of the best voicemail messages I've ever seen or heard. This is Tiger calling alleged mistress Jamie Grubbs...

“Hey, uh, it’s Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye.”

How awesome is that? I heard it on TV last night and it's even more enjoyable. He's clearly freaking out and his wife is probably just on the prowl looking for something to club (pun most definitely intended) him with.

Now, the mainstream media is all over Woods for all of this shit, demanding that he inform everyone of what has happened in his personal life and painting him to be this horrible human being, unworthy of holding his throne atop the sports universe. Well, that's stupid.

A) He has the right to handle any personal and family matters with himself and his family. I think the fact that he is attempting to handle this matter with his wife behind closed doors is admirable.

B) He's a rich, powerful, good looking guy. The most recognizable athlete on the planet. Take a quick look in the mirror and ask yourself how easy it would be to avoid all temptations. It may be difficult to admit but the answer is NOT easy.

C) What the fuck does cheating on your wife have to do with being amazing at golf?

We put athletes and other celebs like Tiger up on a pedestal and when they act inappropriately we get on our moral high horse and destroy their image. Tiger Woods is a professional golfer, he is not the Pope.

Another thing that bothers me is people cursing Tiger for his actions since he is a role model for so many young people. Tiger Woods should be a role model for his children and people that he has built relationships with over the course of his life. That's it. Your parents should be role models. Your older brother or sister should be role models. Grandparents, a close neighbour or friend, a coach, a teacher, Seann William Scott and Paul Rudd. Role models. A professional golfer that you have never met and really know next to nothing about? Not your role model. Someone that you can strive to be like in terms of athletic achievement? Absolutely.

I'm very interested to see how Tiger handles all of this in the future and how he performs on the course with even more attention on him. I might be cheering for him more than ever.

What do you guys think? Has the Tiger Woods saga changed your opinion of him? Feel free to comment on this issue. Just, uh, sign in and tell us what you think. Maybe we'll respond to a couple in a future post. If you could do that for us it would be great. Huge. Quickly. Bye.

Clap for the President

Due to popular demand, our friend Mike Giorgi is back; and this time he's going historical on your ass. Enjoy his inquisitive look into Sunday night television and Julius Caeser, the inventor of a famous drink and fruity haircut.

Late night television on Sundays is brutal. Or so I thought.

Judging by the level of boredom I was experiencing it was probably close to 3am and I had already watched the TSN highlights at least twice all the way through. So, like any good insomniac, I went to the channel that never disappoints; Discovery. Now it is important not to take me the wrong way here. Normally, this would lead to a number of things which would include, but not be limited to, the following:

1) Hours of fun.
2) An empty bag of Ruffles All Dressed chips.
3) A lot of sweat on my face/mustache.
4) A slight increase in body fat.
5) Sock removal.

It was not to be, however, under the severe circumstances I am about to explain to you. As the “Can Screaming Break Glass?” repeat episode of Myth Busters came to a conclusion, Discovery channel revealed what was in store for me next- Ants: High Definition. Again, under normal circumstances, this would be ideal for my situation. It is the sad truth, however, that I have already seen this program at least three times and have started feeling sorry for the termites who, despite having wings, always manage to get pwn3d by the fearsome ants.

Now, ladies and gentleman, this desperate situation called for a maneuver I like to refer to as “going back to the well” and I was just hoping it wasn’t dry. The well happened to come in the form of the history channel, and what I found deep within its depths was a little gem called “Ancients Behaving Badly.”

I assure you there is absolutely no words lost on the title, apparently, as the show simply chooses a famous leader or personality from the past and then Perez Hiltons the shit out of them, ancient styles.
Why the hell not? Am I right?!

This particular episode was about the great Julius Caesar, a personal favourite, which actually made me slightly worried that the show would taint the image I have of him thus far. I was way off. At this point, if you’re not wondering where I’m actually going with this story you’re either fascinated by somewhat large words strung together into relatively cohesive sentences or you’re thinking of checking out this television series and appreciate the review.

Truth is, my point is vague and unimpressive and this should not come as a shock to any of you. I’m basically only interested in pointing out how much things have changed since the time of my beloved Julius – a conclusion I’m sure all of you could and would have made on your own.

The first story the episode examined was about Julius being captured by pirates and held for ransom. Julius warned them that if the ransom was paid and he was set free he would return and murder them all. He suggested it would be smarter to kill him (toughest guy, ever). They laughed at this pretty little Roman teenager and sent him on his way. Julius returned to Rome, raised a private army, returned to the island run by pirates, and crucified every last one of them.

Now with all the modern problems with the pirates in Somalia, let’s picture Obama sending in the Navy Seals to nail everyone suspected of piracy onto ten foot wooden crosses. There would be trouble from every possible source. The United Nations would literally shit everywhere. Protests from people of Somalian and other African nationalities would be rampant. The Republican Party would have a field day and McCain wouldn’t even need Viagra to fire up a hard-on to rail Palin. This last point, interestingly enough, leads me to the next (and for the purpose of saving you from boredom) and final story.

Julius was not unlike the Peter North of the classical Roman time period. This guy relished the opportunity to “Superman” more than his fair share of “hoes.” The main difference, however, was that unlike Peter North, Julius did not indulge in the wholesome, take-home-to-mother kind of girls of the pornographic world but instead with the wives of senators, consuls, generals and tribunes. To make things worse (or better depending on your view of this story) Caesar babe had at some point during his teenage years contracted the clap from one of his nice young companions. Not only was there no magical pill to get rid of this issue at this point in time, but the dangerous effects it can have on women when left undetected were virtually unknown and Julius was spreading it at an alarming rate to trophy wives of very important Roman men. The craziest part is the Romans knew about it, maybe not about the clap but the excessive adultery, and loved him even more for it. Are you shitting me, Romans?

Let’s flash back to 1998 shall we? Bill Clinton, who by all means was a very good president for the United States of America, becomes only the second president ever to be impeached because he let a 22 year old intern choke on it for a couple minutes. He was 53. Regardless of your point of view, we know this much; Caesar would have gave him a high five. I’m not encouraging cheating on your wife of twenty years just for a sloppy oval office gummer but, at the same time, the United States replaced him with George Bush. Figure it out, USA.

What I’m saying is that we need to learn not to sweat the small shit anymore. I’m not sure at which point this happened but I’m positive I could find a way to blame the United States. We should have more guys with funny accents getting blowjobs behind out government desks. These mistakes make them humans; it’s time to celebrate their humanity. At least we can relate to those who “lead” us. Yes, I’m also saying the next time a group of pirates hijack a French Cruise ship we should pay the ransom then follow them home and execute every last one of them. KIDDING. But seriously, pirates didn’t bother Caesar again. So if you need the conclusion spelt out for you than here it is- Next time you’re up late on a Sunday night channel surfing, stick with Ants: High Def.