Jake The Snake Needs to Grow a Pair

1. That link in the post below showing Snooki getting absolutely clocked by the drunk guy is mesmerizing. What a shot. I challenge you not to watch that punch 10 times in a row. It's incredible. The guy with the white hat in the back watching the whole thing is great too. The recording cuts off right before his jaw falls off his face.

2. I'd just like to acknowledge the reader comments from my previous post. To Adrienne, there may very well be 9 reasons why I watch Jersey Shore, and "titties" is likely one of those. However, Ed Hardy enjoyment doesn't come anywhere close to cracking the list. A) I don't own a single article of Ed Hardy clothing. B) Seeing as it is adored by guidos, I don't think I'll be hitting up my local retailer anytime soon.

Also, the comment by Mr. or Ms. Anonymous has raised a few questions for me. Popping corn, sitting on a couch and getting my head rubbed sounds like an outstanding trio of events, but who am I doing this with? I'm going to assume either Goody or Nabber, and I would gladly pop corn and get a head rub from either of those 2 fine gentlemen. Please clarify. Also, what is Broke Back Mounting? Never heard of it....

Alright let's move on to what I really came to do...A quick recap of last night's events on the Bachelor.

I could be completely alienating the 10 person fanbase that we've accumulated here but that's just too bad. To those of you who question my sexuality for watching this show, think what you want. Unfortunately, at this point in my life I have no solid evidence to show that I'm not a homosexual. Let's get to it...

First of all, this guy just needs to man up once in a while. There were moments in this episode where Jake could've really showed me that he actually has a pair and instead he just pussies out. For example, during the date with Corrie they come to an absolute standstill in the boat, where she is pretty much begging for him to kiss her without actually saying "Hey, idiot, just lean over here and lay one on me, you pussy." What does he do? He sits there and after an excruciating few moments of silence he says, "I'm about ready for dinner." Nice play.

Sidenote: I didn't even include Corrie on the poll which was made before the show aired. That's how forgettable she was and obviously she paid the price.

Gia is probably the best looking girl on the show and I think Jake knows it. I think if he was asked who he would most like to have sex with it would be her. Hmm, why don't they ask stuff like that? Talk about a ratings booster. Who wouldn't like to see Jake sit down with the host and be questioned about stuff like that? Or, how cool would it be if at this point he had the option to sleep with one of them, but the girl he chooses is immediately eliminated from the show? Would there be any takers there? What are the other consequences if he does take that route? Do the other girls get to know? What a concept.

Who am I kidding, this is the same guy who said something about how he could could curl up with Ali and feel safe with her. Wow. Nevermind, that idea wouldn't even be discussed with Jake.

Speaking of Ali, she's probably got the most personality of any of them. I'd take her with Gia's looks.

Tenley looks to be the frontrunner right now, which is no real surprise as she has about as little personality as Jake does. I'm not really surprised to learn that she's a divorcee. What normal guy would be able to talk about nothing all day, even with a good looking girl like that. I'm also not surprised to see that Jake is into her considering he has no personality to speak of either.

Last, and most certainly least, comes Vienna, who is a sick joke. She's crosseyed for starters, and she's a retard. Bad combo. I've heard rumours that he picks her in the end, which would be the biggest joke of all time. It would suit him though, he'll probably pick her out of fear that she'll kill him or herself if she doesn't get chosen.

That's about all I have for now. If you've been tuning in, great work, let me know what you think of what has transpired so far. If you haven't, get with the program and start watching. I'll probably be back next Tuesday to comment on this matter.